There was never a time when we lived in the slums, while i was with my parents. The slums were always dirty and morbid; consisting of hurriedly built houses which clung together as playing cards shuffled together. Where we lived was worse than the much antagonised slums. Our home stood on four sticks which stood like freezed soldiers, and over the long canes were pieces of raffia palm – serving as our shade from the eternal deities of the sky. Instead of walls to provide some privacy, we had pieces of flat wood which were made to rest toward the rough edges of the raffia roofing. Of course, it did not provide enough privacy. The flat woods still left enough spaces between them, enough space to permit a pregnant woman with a baby strapped behind her, advance sideways in and out of the shelter.
Very early in life, i learnt from my father that there were four levels of living. It was either you lived in the urban area, or the rural area, or the slums, or in the wasteland. It was a pyramidical structure, which meant that those at the top were few, those below were much. My father never told me, but i knew. I knew we were at the bottom of the pyramid, because we lived on a wasteland.
Every morning, i would rise to the stench of burning smoke, sniffing its way to the heavens. My mother, a dark beautiful woman, would rouse me from my pretentious sleep – i alwys woke up very early but lay still on my thin mat for the fear of being asked to join in the morning work. She would wrap her arms around my head and rest it on her bosom while mumbling some words. I think she was praying for me, asking her dead father to watch over me so i could become the man she wanted me to be. Though, the exact words she used, i do not know.
The first thing that i did every morning was to join my father and the other men outside the shelter, so i could help in hunting for the valuables, in a multitude of trash. We were scavengers, and that was what we did for a living. My father always reiterated these words to me, ‘never for a moment think your work is dirty. No work is. For as long as it respects the dignity of labour and the ardous task of sacrifice.’ Those words, throughout my life, kept ringing in my ears just as the bells of St Anne Cathedral religiously chimed forever. They would always be like a mantra to me, one that i chanted ubiquitiously and persistently.
We were poor. I had only one piece of clothing. An oil greased khaki short, over a white-turned-to-black velvet vest. My parents could not afford to buy shoes for me, so i had to make do with chopped-up shoe laces that i came across during work. Creatively, i mend them together to make myself something to hide my shrivelled toes from the dangers of the wasteland.
On a normal day, we worked till the sun set, exploring the vast land. I used to think all earth was a wasteland. It spread further and further until you saw no end. The mornings, before the sun rose, were the better part of my days. The air was damp and fresh and the dew would make my feet feel soft and fresh. Those mornings were utopia for me. When the sun came around, it brought with it pain and anguish. A sickle in my hand and a nylon woven bag slapped across my back, i ventured on despite the scorching heat.
One day while working, i asked a fellow worker why the sun made life so unbearable. Adamu produced a wide grin, placed his hands on my shoulders and bore his oval eyes into mine.
” the sun is doing its job, we are doing ours”, he said and continued working.
Adamu was a fine fellow; though he was several years older than i was, i considered him as a friend. His face was black, an epitome of my mother’s charcoal tar. He had horizontal lines deeply engraved on his black cheeks – personally i thought it made him more handsome. I thought a lot of good things about him.
By the time the sun had set and darkness started to creep in, i would have stopped working. My toes already numb with weariness and my whole strength completely drained from the day’s work. My father would call out for me, and together with the day’s treasures – which were carefully stacked in our tall bags – we set off for the shelter, what my mother used to call home.


Poignant.
I hope this continues.
I like the story. I think you might need to rework the opening sentences though…as it might be a tad confusing.
It IS intense. Watch for the ‘i’…they should be I.
More.
I love the imagery. You write well.
An engaging story told of the most silent and unheard voices of our society. A good story.
However I find the ruminations (thoughts) of the MC largely unrealistic due to the language in which it’s portrayed. Does an average scavenger speak thus – “For as long as it respects the dignity of labour and the ardous task of sacrifice.” with such vocabulary? I think the story might read better if narrated in the 3rd person. That way the voice of the narrator will be distinct from that of the characters.
I also noticed some words:
“like *freezed soldiers” (‘freeze, froze, frozen’ those are the word forms)
*It was a *pyramidical structure,” (the word doesn’t exist. The sentence could have worked with “it was a pyramid (structure)”
Well done. Keep writing.
A little finish here and there and you’ll get a better story. I am yet to see where this is going or what it is all about. Ife has done a good job, heed her points.
God bless you.
@tanks a lot. I will heed d advice
You write well @maisolomonic, I liked the description and that you tried to spice up the prose with fresh figures of speech.
However I agree with Ife that the language is a bit high reaching for a dump picker. For instance, where is St Anne’s Cathedral and how does the MC know about its abiding chimes?
I am rooting for you.
Because of Uniben.
You write real well, and I respect the thought processes that brought out this story.
@kaycee, tanks a lot(r u a unibenite)
@myne, tanks a lot. On d language, d MC is actually recounting his experiences in life. This post is actually an excerpt from the novel i am working on(WHY NOT).d MC at d time of telling d story is fully educated. Tanks again.
Thanks, that makes much more sense, though that means there’ll need to be a harmonising of tenses. Well done, I’ll be looking for more then.
Well written.
This is a beautiful prose bro. I absolutely enjoy reading this. Really good!
I loved reading this. the small i was distracting but still an enjoyable read
@maisolomonic, I found this a very engaging snapshot of life as a scavenger.
Do look out for typos, though. For example:
“My mother, a dark beautiful woman, would rouse me from my
pretentiouspretended sleep”“His face was black,
an epitome ofvery much like my mother’s charcoal tar.This is a good one.Enough has been said on the corrections.Just keep writing.
You,ll get there.
Well done!!!