A Day After Christmas

A Day After Christmas

Loud wails filled the whole ward. The wailings and lamentations shook the vast premises of Saint Vinci hospital. For the first time in his over twenty five years career, Doctor Ajulo was visibly shaken. He had tried in vain to salvage the situation. He threw all his long years of medical expertise into the case but it all proved abortive.

Mr. Kokosari gnashed his teeth and shook his head muttering incomprehensible words to no one in particular. His wife was held down by a combined team of sympathizers and nurses as she wailed and threatened to jump from the third floor of the hospital building where the ward was located. On this 26Th day of December, it was a pandemonium within the premises of Saint Vinci hospital.

* * *

Ladi was in high spirits as he shared banters with his friends on Christmas day. They were about half a dozen on the round table at the Rose Relaxation Spot [RRS] tucked somewhere within the deep recesses of town.

Indeed Ladi had every cause to be excited; this was the first Christmas he was celebrating as an employed person. He had just landed his dream job as a system engineer with a multinational company after about three years of search. He had called out his friends for a celebration. They were all in high spirits as they wined, dined and danced to the music coming out from the disc jockey’s juke box.

Close to their table was another group of four young males. They were also seated on a round table wining and dining. Suddenly Ladi got up from his table. Either out of excitement or as result of the number of drinkshe had taken. He sauntered in an uncoordinated manner to the gents only to spill the bottle of drink on the table of four close to his. One of the group of four who was also presumably drunk got up and asked Ladi to take things easy.

“Paaa!” The sound resonated loudly as Ladi slapped him hard on the face. And just as it started a fight then ensued between the duo.

“You bastard!” Ladi cursed after they were separated.

The other boy was bleeding and badly beaten, but curiously did not utter a word. He signaled to his friends on the table and they filed out of the arena without saying anything to anyone. Ladi continued to curse as he was being pacified by his friends.

“Stupid son of a bastard!”

“I Oladipupo Kokosari I will show you the stuff I am made off!” he continued to rant as his friends tried to pacify him.

* * *

Ladi woke up with a slight headache at about 10am. He had drank heavily the night before at the RRS. He also remembered the fight he had last night, and he smiled with satisfaction. As he remembered how he dealt with his traducer.

“I am a true son of my father” he muttered to himself.

He got up from the bed, brushed his teeth and put on his trousers as he made to go and purchase the days daily from the vendor across the road.

“Yes that is him coming out” one of the boys in the parked, black jeep car muttered out

“Are you sure?” asked the boy at the steering wheel

“That’s him” said the heavily bandaged boy seating close to the one at the steering wheel

“I can’t miss him in a crowd… so get set”

They started the ignition to the car, and just as Ladi made to cross the road the jeep moved with a blinding speed and hit him. He fell down wriggling and gasping. The car reversed and ran over him again as it sped away dangerously in a flash of light. Blood splattered everywhere and broken limbs dangled precariously. As the few people on the street were too shocked and frightened to comprehend what was happening talk more of apprehending the assailants


17 thoughts on “A Day After Christmas” by babsiwalewa (@babsiwalewa)

  1. Bubbllinna (@sibbylwhyte)

    Somehow this piece reads like a true story..I had to go back to check its category..
    Lade na jonzing pesin..So im get new job na 2 fight be the 1st ting e wan do..Tscheew..dat hit n run na small ting..
    Well told story..Well done Babsi

    1. ‘Lade na jonzing person’…?!?!?

      Why am I suddenly afraid to ask how old you are?!

      1. Bubbllinna (@sibbylwhyte)

        Beats me…

  2. “shared banters”

    I don’t think you ‘share banters’. I think you ‘banter’…or in this case; ‘bantered’ with his friends’…

    Interesting story…I do feel like the ending was somewhat…anti-climatic.

    Good job.

    1. ymoweta (@ymweta)

      You are right Seun: You banter, and not share banter. Writing involves a lot; sometimes a lot of intense studying of the language you want to communicate with.

  3. Hmmm, abrupt end but I liked the storyline. Just wondering what next. Good one!

  4. good story line but I am sure something is not well said about it. it is took casual for my liking; not well told i must say though I don’t want to sound blunt here. ok for instance, the connection between the “prologue and the body of the story is not clear. “They started the ignition to the car…” how many people started the ignition. I thought I would have been made to hear the sound of the ignition and not just to be told about it. I thing did much of tell of the story and not showing. for example, in the prologue you should have shown me the woman crying and wailing and not tell me she did it. there are many other issues like the typos, but i want to concentrate on this technical aspect. like someone here used to say “you have the DNA of a writer” keep writing!

    1. You want to hear the sound of the ignition??
      How does an ignition sound?

      1. I agree with @coshincozor. I would have preferred to hear something like “the car engine revved into life”.

  5. ymoweta (@ymweta)

    Nice one.

  6. You tried. Really.
    ‘He had just landed his dream job…’ Is it correct?
    ‘….the music coming out from…..’ Check.

  7. As a true story, this would have been believable. As fiction, it didn’t ring true, not very convincing.

    1. Na wah kaycee. Believable as a true story but not fiction. O ma ga.

  8. The story is good, but the thing is that it needs to be expanded further. It’s too brief a tale. Additional descriptive details and more suspense would sure help. It ended all too quickly. And the death scene in the end need some more revealing action with words for us to visualise it better.

  9. I agree with @dowell. The story is somewhat too insubstantial. Besides, we never really get to know why Ladi picks a fight; even a drunk person has a reason for doing things.

  10. Hee hee hee, like the Senators would do: to all the comments above: I SECOND.
    Needs some work but you have got Profs talking already and I am sure more would. Well done Babs…:)

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