Dec 042011
Just us two
We sat on the cordial stem
Of a juvenile mango tree in the chalet
Then you were a little coy-
You plucked the lower leaf aloft
Unconsciously shredding the leaf with your slim fingers
Just us two-under the quiet shade
You turned-hiding your pointed nose
The birds mocks-the winds jealous
You were indeed shy lass
I never knew the sun was watching
Until I saw his random eyes scoring through the leafs
The first time I held your shapely waist-
I got a dirty slap on my obstinate face
What a stranger I was once
What a perfect friends I have become
Like the boat learns to love the sea
Just us two in sun and rain
Just us two now with mansions and rides
Just us two now with Dave and Dianna
ME & YOU…MY WIFE!
Ayuba Jamiu. (c) 2011 *****
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ayooba @poeticlicence
I'm inspired by the things,the happenings around me to write creatively and excitingly.
Well, I'm very humble and quiet...love bigeyed women..Go to ayooba's profile, and read more of his/her posts.
Whao! I am impressed. Some basic grammar errors aside, this freestyle poem flows without any hiccup. I love the progression and the vividness of every line. Good one guy, check through again for some of the grammar errors e.g What a stranger I once was
What perfect friends we have become…
Take care.
How do I effect corrections?
Beautiful…..Apart from the errors, simply beautiful…
‘What a perfect friends I have become’, check that. A lovely poem.
Oh. My.
Oh my.
Nice.
‘the birds mocks…’ concord/verb confusion. Shoot that! You’ve got a smooth flowing peom here.
Thanks friends..
I particularly cherish the fact that errors are now exposed for correction..and I say respects
that is why we are here
I have a drop of tear in my left eye. This is magical. Well written, good flow, emotional….. I like! I like!! I like!!!. Check the typos and concord clashes sha.
Sounded like a teenage puppy love that grew into something quite wonderful. The beginning was a little boring, but then the ending changed made it very good. Had to reread it again and now saw the true beauty of the poem. Nice one.
Now this poem has been nominated for The kaycee/Musketeers price for poetry of the month.
@all feel free to recommend others. @raymond, @seun. Pls advice.
@jaywriter, talk to me.
Okay then.
It’s official now, isn’t it?
Nice.
@Kaycee Guess we’ll start compiling then. Like every poem we read that’s good, we’ll note it and pick best by the end of the month. Something like that?
Something like that.
Or not.
Wait on Raymond.
I could feel the raw emotion just reading it, that was beautiful…thanks.
You do have to watch the grammatical errors though, they tend to hide the first and second time but you’ll spot them one third revise (wink!)
You need to make her pay for that slap. How could she??? Rock that waist now more than ever. It’s the only way to get compensation. Lol
The puem make sense gan.
@tosyn..u got my ribs
great one. Feeling this… U are my personal person
This was sweet. Note the few corrections though.