You Crossed My Mind

You Crossed My Mind

You crossed my mind

it’s been-

Eleven years, Eleven months

and Eleven days.

That I saw those sets of teeth.

That flashes like a pan of steel.

Right there, with a radiant face.

The glance of an amazon

I could recall in a hurry.

 

You crossed my mind

I recall-

Eleven years,Eleven months

and Eleven days.

Your voice was in a hurry

You couldn’t call me Gary

In a hallow tone

like Indian waves

You left in a hurry.

That’s why you crossed my mind.



6 thoughts on “You Crossed My Mind” by tuee (@tuee)

  1. Beautiful. The flow was without ripples.

    But why did you say she crossed your mind? Cos she was in a hurry?

  2. Rhythmic! Short and musy, i like it.

  3. Simple and good

  4. “That I saw those sets of teeth.

    That flashes like a pan of steel.”

    Plural…singular qualifier and vice-versa. What I’m saying is…after “That I saw those sets of teeth” what should follow is “That flash like a pan of steel”

    Nice. Simple.

  5. ‘You crossed my mind/Its been-/’ I think the hyphen should have been after MIND not BEEN because the second line is not a direct continuation of Line 1. However, Line 3 is directly connected to Line 2 and so needs no hyphen.

    Do you think ‘Eleven’ should have been capitalized? Is it strong enough as a subject in the poem to warrant capitalization?

    Does ‘Gary’ fit in properly into its line?

    Questions asked in good faith…

  6. To be honest, I felt it was too repetitive with not much subsatance.

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