Notes From Room 101: Heartbreaks And Letting Go (Volume I)

Notes From Room 101: Heartbreaks And Letting Go (Volume I)

 

Minutes After Midnight…

 

My Dearest Chi,

Nwa’m. Hmmmmm. My one and only yellow paw-paw, how are you? It is a few minutes after midnight. I was woken by the sighing and moaning from Room 102, the endless creaking of the bed. Yes, I am in yet another motel room, and yes I am drunk once again on a Wednesday. I have left the light in the bathroom to slither in, casting its amber glow on my feet, my burdened chest. Other than that its pitch dark. Not just the world outside but also the emotions coursing through me.  But I must let it all out tonight. I must let it out and then let you go…

I remember. I remember. I remember the very first time and smile. It was the first Saturday in school, I sat a few benches behind you, mesmerised by the motes of dust that floated through the broken windows, gilt by the warm July sun. I tried to masque the awe, my obvious fascination of the world around me. I listened as you and your friend sat and talked about Charmed. I listened excitedly because I had also watched it. I silently wished for the courage to chirp in little details you missed out, share a special connection with you, anything to enter into your world. My wished came true. Not on that day but much after, and the moments we shared were more magical than ‘charmed’ moments.

We liked to sing our favourite tunes as we walked along the calm streets to night class. Our off-key voices and laughter rang out loud. We both liked Funtime coconut chips. You were my childhood hero, my best friend, the one great love all meshed in one. I would think of you Chi and my heart would go yori-yori.

Everyone saw it before I did. I guess I knew but always chose to feign ignorance. I deserved this perfect dream and when morning came I would wake up, rub the sands of sleep from my eyes and forge ahead. Everyone saw it; the scornful remarks and cruel jokes that hurt just a little to make me flinch. You didn’t mean them to cause me any pain. The world only overreacted. I could not begin to explain to them that you were my only sliver of light during those dark days, your smile and generosity gave me hope. When I was seemingly drowning in murky waters, nwa, it was you I breathe.  Make them talk their own. In the end it was only about me and you…

And so whenever you called, another heartbreak by another random guy, I would come rushing. I was not your ideal superhero, my hands were scrawny and my smile was not dashing but I would save you. I would take a bullet, a mean outburst. Anything to see your pretty smile once again.

One day e go better, I often prayed. I prayed that you would be proud of me as I was of you, that your eyes would light up whenever you mentioned or heard my name, that you would not tell these cruel jokes that did not seem so little after all at my expense, especially when we went out. You see, these little fragments of hurt you had left along the way had nestled in my breast, found its abode there. And then came resentment. It grew and took a life of its own such that it became a person. A wall. You. Me. Resentment.

But still I could not let you go. I owed you so much….

I sighed and adjusted the buds of my earphones, cranked up the volume of Someone Like You by Adele. Her sonorous voice washed over me, the lyrics made my eyes glisten. I had typed this for the umpteenth time. Hit the delete button as always and stared at the blank screen. I typed on.

 

But we cannot go on this way anymore. I am certain. I know that you will never see me as a complete man. I will never live up to your expectations and standard. I do not want to continue to wilt beneath your shadows. So nwa’m I must go. I must travel along with all that is left of me. I wish you well. I genuinely do and even if I didn’t the best will still come to you.

Some friendships do not last forever. Sometimes we are only meant to share a mile together, help each other as we hobble along this long road. We must learn to let go when it does not hurt so much, take the sweet memories we have captured and drift ahead. And so I take a bow as we walk our separate ways.

Je T’aime. I always have. I always will…

 

I hit the send button and smiled to myself. I stretch and light a cigarette. As I watch its glow in the darkness, I realize I do not feel elated or overwhelmed neither was I downcast or trodden in the spirit.

I felt empty. Tabula rasa. Blank. Void

And maybe that is not such a bad thing after all…



16 thoughts on “Notes From Room 101: Heartbreaks And Letting Go (Volume I)” by Toluwalase (@toluwalase10)

  1. okay…
    U miss her? I gat a bottle of gin.
    Care to join me?

    1. i would gladly sip some….
      Thanx for reading…

  2. Good narration. But you were inconsistent with tense when you were talking about what you were doing.

    It’s a nice story.

    1. Thanks for pointing that out…
      it was actually just one take and i sent it off for a review before scrutinizing it so that i did not hit the delete button again.

  3. Not bad. Not as gripping as one would expect though.

    But I think that has to do with the mood of the guy….

    1. Hmmm…. ok. Thanks for reading

  4. To illustrate Electrika’s comments, let’s look at the passage below;

    I hit the send button and smiled to myself. I stretch and light a cigarette. As I watch its glow in the darkness, I realize I do not feel elated or overwhelmed neither was I downcast or trodden in the spirit.

    You are writing in present tense but it is not consistent. I have corrected it below with a little rewriting.

    I hit the send button and smile to myself. I stretch and light a cigarette. As its glow lights up the darkness, I realize I do not feel elated or overwhelmed neither am I downcast or trodden in the spirit.

    1. Thanks for the illustration Myne, would make review it.
      Was actually a bit lost in the moment of writing this so I did not bother rereading or editing it.

  5. @toluwalase10, I loved the idea behind the story; I felt the occasion of letting go was very poignant, and I didn’t even need to know the full details of the relationship to appreciate how the MC felt. And then, the story was very well written too.

    Well done.

    1. Thanks. I appreciate it a lot…

  6. Excellent!
    Loved the writing.

    But I didn’t really feel her fault. I mean, what did she do to make you feel this bad?
    Just the jokes at your expense? Or…

    1. Thanks for reading…
      I think I was wrote this through the eyes of a narrator who had a handful of insecurities and was in a relationship with someone that seemed larger than life. I also don’t think she did anything wrong. Its just a case of bottled up emotions…

  7. Love this… really do. Kudos.

    1. Thanks Joy. I appreciate the feedback..

  8. I like this. You did a good job in portraying the MC’s feelings about the girl. I believe the girl didn’t do anything wrong but he was just in love with someone beyond his reach, right?

    1. Thanks Lade. No she didn’t deliberately do anything wrong. Like you said, it was just one that was out of his reach…

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