Venial Pains

Sun is set, cloud is red,
Shop is closed, traffic’s on the road,
Every’s aim is to get home
Cos’ night is here, Dark has shown

Most are home, …tired,
then gate closed

Strips, playing dirty
Crooks, getting ready
All from their shattering zone,
Ready to strike like a Cobra in a chaos.

Skulls, bones, stones, signalling a danger zone,
Lamentation, incantation, Spreeing in a tune
Only understood by the underworld alone
That even the intelligent few failed to know

Eyes dazed
Voice raised
The tune of the raid
Makes them ‘swag’ like the ‘maimed’

Bustling, Rushing and Smashing the rack
On your mark, innocent souls ready to be hacked.
Kneeling on their knees; Busting with tears,
All this craving causing more Snares.

On hearing the sound of the spark
Twinkle, twinkle like the very little star
On the hype of a ‘slap’
The eyes see ‘stars’ …imprinting a map.

Striking with a big dagger
After swallowing the bottled lager,
Taste so bitter, ‘Flexing’ like a ‘Baga’
Topping it with some ‘Shangaria’

Steaming with a very high beef,
Heaving a sigh of relief
After beheading an innocent,  just from a grief
For no reason in brief.

Men of the underworld
With Swords on board,
On its strike and spill of blood
One feels as if there was never a ‘God’

The world indeed is a danger zone,
Man is warned not to be alone
Hence he ends up on the street naked & cold
Fear, Oppression, depression will engulf his whole,
Then spend rest of his life in the dungeon’s hole.

Behold, Man’s not born to suffer this whole,
Even his sin, seen as an array of scenes
Which induced the Creator, set a seal
That His son Only could stop these ills

Just for the sake of this rot
To be evacuated out of its ‘Hut’
In stopping the undue ‘hurt’
Melted out in all sort…

Crowned with thorns,
Belittled and flogged,
Died on the cross,
All for a loss?



36 thoughts on “Venial Pains” by Whiz Da Poet (@whizpoet)

  1. …on the street naked and cold?….deep thought..

    Whiz Da Poetic Poet…just my kind of poetry

    1. Your kind of poetry??

  2. U write dis stuff for Long Note?
    Nice rhymes…

    1. Hahaha, @Raymond, u too dey find trouble.

      1. My brother, no blame me oh, hehehe…

    2. @ Raymond…I dont get..Long note..how??

  3. well done. the poem is good. the usage of a few phrases raised my brows though.

    you have craftily used rhymes. for me, i like a well structured rhyming scheme. here, the scheme is not definite you mixed them all up…

    all the same, it is good…very

  4. Nice one bro.

  5. nice combination of Rhymes… with a beautiful beginning and a coded end.

    Interesting… thumbs up bro

  6. I think I agree with xikay. You were too bent on using the rhymes that you somehow forgot structuring them properly. …..just like beating them out from the middle or at the end of the lines.

    It’s a nice poem notwithstanding, but you can consider restructuring the rhymes.
    You can try aa bb or ab ab…

    think about it.

    1. @Ajala, U always give constructive criticism, thanks so much!!!

      Your suggestions are well noted.

  7. Okay o…okay.

    You do well.

  8. Lovely concept.I like the ending,more like coming to the end of a journey you didn’t anticipate.The rhymes needs to be fixed though.

    Well done!!!

    1. Thanks …i still cant forget that nice piece of yours “Its not that easy”

  9. I was looking forward to this, and thank God you didn’t let me down. This definitely is very good poetry…about the rhyming scheme, I don’t give a hoot…seems good to me.

    1. Thanks a bunch Irene for inspiring more…

  10. @Whiz and all…reads to me like listening to DaGrin. Not surprising though, seeing u r the WHIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

    My head was spinning!

    1. U must be die-hard fan of CEO Dagrin

      1. No ‘die-hard fan’, but a fan nonetheless…hehehehehe.

  11. Shai! My Belle, my Head! This man, hope U wont burst my head with your words…Shai!!!

  12. @ All, Am yet to read any comment on the.lamentation, killing, beheading without mercy…

    1. Since u don arrogate ‘manhood’ to me, no shaking.

      Saw all that gory paintings of urs…too vivid for me…we shouldn’t let kids under 18 read this.

      1. @ Shai can U explain what U refer to as “Gory Paintings” what’s over-18 or Under got to do with this…..?????

    2. Am yet to see comments on “The killing”, the dungeons hole, “SKULLS” etc…No one seem to interpret those phrases correctly.

      1. Is anyone here interested??

      2. Signalling a death zone..!!

  13. Happy now? lol.

    1. Can U quote a stanza that so ‘gory’ in the poem?

  14. U asked for one,
    I give u three:

    Striking with a big dagger
    After swallowing the bottled lager,
    Taste so bitter, ‘Flexing’ like a ‘Baga’
    Topping it with some ‘Shangaria’

    Steaming with a very high beef,
    Heaving a sigh of relief
    After beheading an innocent, just from a grief
    For no reason in brief.

    Men of the underworld
    With Swords on board,
    On its strike and spill of blood
    One feels as if there was never a ‘God’

    I deal more with the imagery these portend:

    “Striking with a big dagger”
    “After beheading an innocent, just from a grief”
    “With Swords on board,
    On its strike and spill of blood”

    And, I didn’t say that I don’t like the poem o, isssssssh.

    1. There is nothing scary here..just read in between d lines….Shai!! am surprised ooo..A whole U

  15. I don’t agree with people saying that a poem must have aa, ab or whatever. there are free/blank verses in poetry and all those aa/ab stuffs are foreign(how many African poets do not use free/blank verses?).
    what I think here’s that the attempt at rhymes made the poem very rigid. let your imagination lose and you’d be amazed.
    u got more ‘into it’ towards the end…making me wonder what the beginning lines were really about.
    Kudos!

    1. Ada, You a rare gem..am beginning to discover this…

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