“Morning, Horsey!”
“Yo! Doggy, you on duty too?”
“Yeah was pulled of the drug sniffing drill, HQ got a tip off on a deal going down at that brothel over at Iju, but I guess this was more important. How’s Betsy?”
“She’s all right… I guess, she keeps nagging about that vacation time I skipped. How are the pups?”
“Growing too fast and eating too much too, might need a raise soon, or another job. Say, Horsey, what’s going on here anyway?”
“Well, Doggy my sight isn’t what it was, but seems to me there’s a kinda fight going on.
“Fight? Why aren’t we stopping it then….Nah, this isn’t a fight.”
“What is it then, Doggy?”
“Don’t know, I just asked you that question remember, you getting too forgetful these days. You need to take that vacation, listen to Betsy, Mares know certain things….”
“Stop barking at me Doggy. I said it was a kinda fight, you said nah it isn’t, so I asked you what it is. Fool. I have a mind to kick you to the doc, if not for this fool sitting on me, and also for the fact that Bitchy has gone and made you a father and all. Wouldn’t want to cripple a new father now, would I? Be careful, haven’t had a good night sleep nor gotten laid either, I’m an angry horse.”
“Take it easy Horsey, it’s me, so you don’t have to waste your strength threatening a hound, the hound. Besides I didn’t get any either, haven’t for a while, with the pups always waking up and interrupting, and Bitchy always tired from feeding them, and I would give you a good fight too if not for this rookie pulling like he has no dog handling sense. But what exactly are these humans up to this time…? They are running around as far as I can see. This fool keeps pulling me away each time I want to get a better look. Isn’t he supposed to be taking me around and let my nose get the scent of things? I hate rookies.”
“Yeah, the fool astride me isn’t a rookie but he is an idiot all the same. Horses are not meant to stand still, I get leg cramps, and I don’t like the idea of me standing stock still while these humans look down my behind. And I think this fool sleeps on me, with the way he sways. You think I might get blamed if he breaks his neck from a fall off my back? It’s quite a height, you know?
“Yeah, I get you are quite high and mighty, I’m pulling this fool ahead to get a closer look, come on.”
“Hey Doggy, the view here is better. There‘s a lot of running around going on. It’s a different kind of fight, I think.
“Nigerians are never still, but all these crowds gathering here to scream and watch other humans fool around, is taking the human stupidity to the next level. Horsey, the end of days is certainly around.”
“Doggy shut up! What do you know about end of days? We are used to the foolishness of the human race, any good animal knows that they think with their reproductive organs. But look! Is that what they are fighting over? That round white thing running? They are kicking it too!”
“Horsey! It’s a Rabbit! They are fighting over the rabbit. Hey, its running this way….”
“Doggy….this isn’t a rabbit. Let your ears down now, fool. It stopped right in front of you; did it smell like a rabbit?”
“Give me a break! It looked like a rabbit on the loose.”
“Yeah? And what were you trying to do? Save it? At your age you still chase after rabbits? What would your pups do?
“I wasn’t trying… I saw an animal in danger…”
“Yeah right, you almost pulled the rookie off his feet in your excitement to save a ..a.. the thing.”
“Whatever, Horsey, but if it isn’t fighting what are …”
“Doggy…”
“I know Horsey, we aren’t supposed to understand…”
Doggy! Hush! Here come the inspector and Blaise.”
“The arrogant Alsatian?”
“Doggy be nice.”
“Hello Horsey!”
“Morning Blaise.”
“Ahh, Doggy my very own Doggy! Hear you got yourself some puppies.”
“ You heard right Blaise.”
“Say, Blaise?”
“Yeah Horsey?”
“What do you think is going on here?”
“Well the inspector is instructing your handlers.”
“No Blaise, Horsey meant here, in this whole place.”
“Oh, you mean in this here, Stadium? Yeah that’s what it is, Stadium: a place humans come to run and play. A game is on now, a football game. I find it interesting. You know, you guys ought to read more on humans; they are not as bad as …..”
“All right Blaise, move along now, the inspector is off, Horsey and I need to get back on duty, chit-chat is over, see you soon.”
“Stupid idiot.”
“Doggy! Not so loud, they haven’t gone out of ear shot yet.”
“I don’t care; didn’t you notice how superior he was acting? Even telling us to ‘read more on humans,’ The Prick! Why did you even have to ask him a question?
“Doggy you are foaming in the mouth, why are you so angry at Blaise? Come on, are you sure you are not jealous?”
“Jealous? A hound, jealous of a common Alsatian? Horsey you know better, he just rubs me the wrong way, and it’s also not because he’s the Inspector’s dog.”
“Well he seems very educated, that’s a good thing don’t you think…?”
“Calling me ‘his very own Doggy,’ we are not friends, I hate when animals pretend to be familiar with who they have no rights to be familiar with…Stop laughing…”
“Doggy, my very own Doggy… ha ha ha”
“Stop it”
“He… He.. was just being friendly…ha ha ha”
“I don’t want his friendship. I don’t trust him. He is a sly dog, and he knows way more than he should.”
“Knowledge can’t be a bad thing now, Doggy, can it?”
“I don’t know horsey, animals are not supposed to know so much about the humans. It isn’t healthy.”
“You may be right, Doggy… my very own doggy…ha ha ha….you are laughing too?…that’s better pardner.”
“Horsey you are almost as foolish as the humans. We are police animals; let’s do what we were trained to do.”
“Yes, Doggy… my very own…”
“Don’t you dare, Horsey…old fool.”
“Hahahaha.”
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kaycee @kaycee
The Free Spirit.
www.kayceeuzor.wordpress.comGo to kaycee's profile, and read more of his/her posts.
I didn’t enjoy this so much. Nice idea though.
really?
Yeah, me too
Hehehehe. Then why did U do it, or rather why did U leave it this way?
Nice, but I think it ended weakly….But not bad…
let me say this@kaycee,you wanted to write this piece into a funny and rib cracking thing,right?like raymond said, it ended weakly.
Your characters tend to be using big vocabus.animals dey tok?
lol..Uche…this na imaginary or rather fantasy fiction…of course animals dont talk nah.
I totally agree with you guys.
@Raymond, I lost interest midway into the story.
i love this….this is standard and very creative..
most of all, it was hilarious…i like the piece….
it was indeed a comedy relief.
@emmyfrosty, thanks
lol@ Kaycee…you also didn’t ennjoy it? Very funny! But I’ll commend you for crafting a convo between animals, that’s a rather interesting ceative direction.
My problem would be the verisimilitude with the location and vocation of th animals. Police Dogs and horses? I understand seeing police horses in Lagos but police dogs? The only so called ‘police dogs’ I know are not owned by the police but by private owners…and they are usually alsatians.
I also understand that this is supposed to be a humorous story but the humor didn’t seem to fit the supposed location and origin which is Nigerian. For example…why couldn’t the animals be speaking some pidgin english as well? Pigin is known for carrying more humor in the Nigerian setting.
Still, I’ll say this is a good attempt at something different.
must it be set in Lagos?
@afronuts, Alsatians are used in search and rescue operations. Dogs like alsatians and hounds could be trained by the police. There is no breed called ‘Police Dog’. But I got ur drift on d pidgin humour thing. Really I got detracted along the line, just decided to post it anyway.
@uche na wa for you o?
Maybe I read a different piece but I enjoyed it. I will personally welcome some dramatic twist, maybe even developed into mini stories. Horsey and Doggy getting home to see Bitchy breastfeeding the OlaPuppies. Horsey staring heavily and Doggy interrupting:
“Whoa whoa whoa horsey, those are my wife’s titties you’re staring at”,
“Easy man, just looking at how much your kids love milk, they almost suck their mum dry, besides only human adults get fascinated by milk sacks”
“I know horsey, thanks for the biology class. Can you stop looking at her now…..we gat places to go.”
“Whatever Doggy, my own……”
“Shut up”.
I like your plot, I’m not just a good story teller.
Wow, you should have written the piece yourself. I like your addition it would make a nice start for Animal talk 2. And you say u are not a good story teller?
Wow @cyracles….I could not stop laughing at your ‘Continuation!’ #hillarity!
I liked the idea of animals talking – it’s always interesting to get a different perspective on the everyday situations on life.
The problem was that the story wasn’t really about anything; nothing really happened in the story to make it memorable. Maybe if you had developed the conflict between the alsatian and the police dog, or if you had expanded more about the horse’s worries and hopes so that we could get a sense of his character, it would have helped.
I liked the flow of the conversation,but then it got too narrow and boring…I like this idea,been thinking of something like it for some time. work on it. there is hope for u yet!
i also dont know, just like Ife Martins if i read a different piece but i did find it very satisfying. plus there seem to be nothing to point to as being wrong in the piece.
@kaycee abeg i wont mind another installment of this
Thanks xikay, will post a better installment.
This shows you have a creative mind. The story and characters just need to be developed a bit more
I hear you. Thanks for reading.
why are you nawain me?@kaycee.4 d animal talk 2,make u include obj,d gorilla
@uche write ur own jare!
for me animals don’t talk
@uche, you are an animal, don’t you talk?
Most of them have said it but let me add that this story can be made a lot better if it is reworked…don’t mind those people who are saying ‘animals don’t talk’ and all…they should jump off the figurative mountain and drown in the realistic nothingness of the world.
And maybe you should check the ending to make it better? Well done, K
I also believe this story could have been lots better and funnier. Thanks a lot @Sueddie, I always have a problem with finishing a story the initial way I intended.
was really interesting that the animals were confused about the whole stadium games thing…
nice idea here
great telling too but…u heard it all, started off great, thinned a bit, peaked agn and then, trickled down…
I hear you, @adaobiokwy
You this kaycee ehn! You get answer for everything. I wonder the kinda person you are. I liked the writeup. Its my kinda stuff….. Not the humour o, im very dry but the ability to consider yourself as a dog and horse. You know what i mean shey?
@gooseberry, heehehehe, where did you find this post? Glad you liked it. You wanna know the kinda person I am? You will have to marry me first.
@kay, i found it in your pocket. Your pocket is really deep. Has many papers full of writeups that i myt love. Concerning the marriage, i always like to know the divorce date first. So when will the divorce come up?
@gooseberry, divorce will be immediately I get tired of you.
Kaycee….. Lol. We don’t have up to 3 hours so maybe we shuld start right away.
@gooseberry.
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Meet me. Time is short!
If any other person uses this info…I go kill am!
@kaycee……I have no idea there are duty police horses and dogs in Nigeria. So when you said the location was Iju, I deduced that would be in Nigeria but as the story progressed in my imagination…..I saw the police horses during football matches or street patrols in the UK…..and from then on I found it diffucult to relate the story/setting to Nigeria.
Different concept though.