World Of Blood

World Of Blood

Intro-

THIS WORLD THAT WE LIVE IN IS A PLACE OF CHAOS..A PLACE WERE BLOOD FLOWS LIKE WATER…..{Distant African drum beats}..

“Why.,why?” I screamed as I held my dying father. “Papa please don’t go”, the words accompained with tears came out faithfully.

His blood had formed a union with my tears, as I beheld my father losing his grip of life. l looked around me,the situation was as worse as mine. Our hut had been set ablaze, nothing was left. My village was left to mourn its ruins.

“Papa please say something”, He looked at me with agony, as if my words gave him strength, he was struggling to keep his eyelid open, he fastened his grip on my shoulder and painfully let out his last request, at that point, he gave up the ghost.”Nooooo!”, i shouted, like a man who had lost everything; as i clinged to his lifeless body.

My father died trying to protect his family. His heavily built stature was suppresed by the blood thirsty spears of the enemy. I watched my father die in my arms, his last words kept haunting me. The smoke from the burning huts occupied the atmosphere. A once happy village was now a wasteland, I immediately busted into coughs, this time my heart was fixed. If his request was the only thing he wanted me to do, that i would do. My mother, sisters, relations were all taken hostage.

My father was dead..everything was taken from me…except his last request…the words of a dying father to his son..I still remember it vividly,”kix…na”, he called as he gambled for breath..”..do this one thing..(coughs)..for me”, he managed to mutter showcasing series of pains in every word he spoke,”..Avenge this day my son”, he concluded as he elasped his remaining seconds on earth.

{Increasing droplets of rain}

[Increasing African drum beats].

THIS IS MY MANDATE, TO FREE MY PEOPLE FROM THE CLOUD OF THE ENEMY, TO BREAK THE BARRIER OF DARKNESS, TO BRING BACK THE LOST GLORY OF MY FATHER LAND, TO MAKE MY FATHERS REQUEST A REALITY.

THIS IS MY STORY…I am Kixna Chen..welcome to the “WORLD OF BLOOD”…

{Beats sieze}.

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(RAIN SEIZE)

…I am Kixna Chen.

My father’s death stings me but his last words stung me more. Memories of the past enveloped me as i dug the five feet grave. It was already time for the sun to set and the moon to shine. Looking around me, i began to see flashback of what my village use to be. ” At the east end was were we use to hold the village meeting. It had four calabash at each end with coloured cowries in them, At the center of the first two calabash there, stood the ancient Mumba statue; the symbol of strength. Right after it was were the 6 elders would sit facing the villagers…”, tears filled my eyes just as the flashback disappeared leaving me with a fallow ground.

I stepped out of the “pit turn grave” to pick my father’s already stiff body. The wounds on his sides had dried up leaving it coated with black blood. Tears filled my eyes again…flashback it was…”the west end of the village was were our hut used to be. I saw my mother bathing me at the left side of the hut, then a built statured man came out of the hut. He looked around and fixed his gaze on me and immediately let out a broad smile. My mother beckoned me to meet my father, with my light legs, i leaped for joy as i stumbled my way to his already waiting arms. He picked me with his strong but gentle arms and tossed me up, like a trained father he caught me mid air. Then, my mother came with his spear and the mumba sword(the heavenly art). They immediately swapped, without hesitation, he departed. As a child those were my best moments. I waved and waved and……”, i tried to move but i stood glued.  ‘papa’, i called, instinctively he stopped and waved back to my mum and i…” there and then d flashback disappeared. Stoned by reality, my hands were already weak by the oppressing weight of my father’s body. I quickly lowered my father into his grave and turned to grab my shovel, standing face to face with the north, i fastened my grip on the shovel as my eyes lit like torch, that was were my revenge lied. Between split seconds, the flashback haunted me…”i saw Akum and i running as fast as our legs could carry us. Fear was written on our faces, we saw them first, we had to tell our people there would be an invasion…’papa,papa’, i shouted as my breath became heavy, i needed to catch my breath, then my mother appeared from the corner of the hut worried..’what is it kix?’, she asked trying to read the cause of my alarm. On seeing her i came to a halt, trying to gather breath..’what is it?’, she repeated. Akum following behind me was already pale..’mama,they are coming’, i squeezed out…”. Reality again.

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The night was cold. The moon was out in full. Night creatures were beginning to make their presence felt. I was tired and weary, my hands and legs were weak, they ache from the grave i dug. Realizing i was alone, i advanced towards my hut, though it was covered with soot, it still stood its ground. The thatched roof had been burnt off, giving way for the light from the moon. I stepped in to the hut, it had lost recognition, it was round in shape, it had one window which served as ventilation. The bed had burnt to half, the calabash beside it was now upside down. I bent down to pick a string of cowries that acts as necklace. It had two carved horns at the forefront. While squatting, i scanned the room just then, something caught my attention. It had been partly covered by the bed and partly exposed by the moon. Stealthy, i approached the bed, took a good look and picked up the shiny silverware, admiring the art and words inscribed on it. I couldn’t help but mutter,”mumba sword(heavenly art)“. Raising it up, i could read the inscription.

it said,

“ONLY THE CHOSEN CAN POSSES THE POWER WEILDED IN THE HEAVENLY ART”.

The mumba sword was said to have posses the powers of the seven elements on earth. The handle was made of ice iron. The upper part had 3 holes bored at a considerable distance, good enough to stretch through the sword. I traced my finger by the edge, then i felt a sharp pain, i had cut myself, immediately my blood trickled on the sword. it made its way to the inscriptions, traced it to the end and stopped. For a moment, everything looked the same, then i noticed the increasing weight of the sword. Just then the sword came alive, it glowed like light, i dropped it quickly, stepping back fearfully, the sword continued to glow and slowly died down. Seconds after, i was still starring at the weird sword. Gathering courage, i bent down to pick it, mysteriously, there was no trace of my blood on it. The inscription had changed, it now read…

“YOUR BLOOD SEEKS REVENGE..YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE. ALL SEVEN ELEMENTS COPERATE WIT U”.

I stood still, marveled at the powers the sword had. Raising it up like a mantle of a king, i boldly said,’so be it’. The sword glowed in return.

With utmost satisfaction, i layed on the bed with the sword, i must now wait for day were my journey would begin. At this point there was no going back. Observing the sword once more, i uttered a prayer,’mumba help me’. In quick response the sword glowed, revealing a new set of words, it said….

“I AM D CHOSEN ONE”

(Darkness ensued).

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“cookoo-rookoo!”, the village rooster called out.

It was morning already, the light had taken full control of the hut. I carefuly opened my eyes, so it could accommodate the new phase of light. Almost instinctively, i felt for the sword around,i didn’t see it at first, i quickly sat up, scanned the room then let out a little smile, the mumba sword was under me. The morning breeze was cold, even the water i used to clean up was almost ice, my father use to tell me that, “the journey of a thousand miles begin from d very first step”.  I began to gather every useful thing i could lay my hand on, from goat skin to fruits, medicine to poisoned darts and most of all the mumba sword. Silently, i had done all this. Again i knelt down at my father’s grave to pray, pray for protection, strength and guidance. I had come of age now, this time i was sure of what i wanted. The adrenaline in me pumped for revenge.”bloody kutcha, your doom as come to you.”, i muttered as i made the final chalk mark on my body.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

KUDUS..KUTCHA CLAN.-d arch enemy.

Even from the days of our fore-fathers, this rivalry had existed. Our elders told us that in ancient times when gods were on earth, Kudus ‘the god of d kutchas’ and Mumba ‘the god of d tutsis’ were friends. Amidst other gods they were the strongest. In that time, a quest began, to find the lost skull. Another god beat them to it and was rewarded with the power of invincibility. Sakus became very strong and powerful. He had a daughter, Sakin, who was very beautiful and fair. Her nature brought male gods coming to seek her hand in marriage. It happened that a day came, Sakin saw mumba and fell in love with him. She declared this to her father and it was made known to mumba. Kudus who always liked Sakin became jealous. kudus rebelled and swore that mumba and sakin would never have peace. At the end of that age, when gods left and men came to existence, due to division, men served different gods. kudus legacy lives with the kutcha clan and mumba’s with the tutsi. Even till dis day, kutcha people have maintained the arch rivalry between both gods.they have attacked, kidnapped, destroyed and killed. My father’s death was the last straw that broke the camels back…..Enough is enough, i use to hear a savior would emerge and deliver his people. I guess, i cant wait for that savior anymore..if i perish…i perish, one thing is certain, am not going to let anything stop me.!

The sun was up, my village was now a speck from were i was. I had journeyed since morning, just then, my sword glowed. I stopped, something stopped, my heart pounding, i looked around, my instincts came alive.

“WHO ARE YOU”, I called out blindly.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

I had been walking for miles now and i haven’t felt a presence so strong like this before. l looked around, scanned the upper part of the trees. Just then my sword glowed, still looking at it, i spun around only in time to collide with a flying fist, the hit sent me sprawling to the ground. Whatever it was, it got me good at the left side of my lip. I looked up to see my attacker but the sun blinded my eyes, i quickly looked down just in time to notice the glow on my sword again. Just then, IT was right infront of me like speed of light, it raised me by the shoulder, enough to get balance and sent me to the ground with a well timed low kick. My lip was heavy with pain, now my back ache. thoughts started racing through me…i had to do something..”please, i come in peace”, i said raising my hand up hoping this manner of approach would buy me time. I got up with my hands still up, this time i was able to get a good look. My attacker was covered in black costume, a slim, 5 feet tall. The face, masked with black perforated net, was very hard 2 make out.

“YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE”, the voice called out, i couldn’t tell the gender from the voice…my sword glowed again, this time i responded faster, quickly taking one step back, i skillfully blocked a furious high kick aimed at my face…”i said i come in PEACE”, i repeated,this time emphasizing on the peace. Immediately, i took a combat stance, if dialogue wouldn’t solve the madness on ground, then i must take it by force.

The wind became still. Two people with separate missions. The trees watched earnestly, the sun stood patiently, radiating rays of support equally to both.

My sword glowed which means an attack was coming, taking off guard, i intercepted the first two punches but the third low punch got me good. I retreated, studied my opponent breadth control. Now this must end.

“let me go, i ‘ll not harm u”, i called out scrutinizing every move IT made. There it was, the shangai move was brewing in IT. This was a rare move and only few people know how to counter it.

“if you must go..then it must be through me”, IT said with sarcasm, taking the shangai stance.

With half smiles, i said..”so be it.”

COUNTERING THE SHANGAI MOVE IS SIMPLE. THE MOVE NEEDS A MINIMUM OF THREE STEPS TO ENFORCE DEPENDING ON THE DISTANCE. COUNTERING THE STEPS IS THE VOODOO.

Light, yes! my sword glowed, an attack was coming. Half way through the four step attack, i took 2 forward, thereby disrupting the move, already it had lost balance. I quickly side-step, just in time to dodge the body weight as it flew pass me, i planted a DEJAN furious fist at the left side of IT’S rib, sending IT scurrying for the ground. Nothing could be done again.

I bent down and removed the mask, the site baffled me.

“WHAT?”, i exclaimed, shocked to the bone.

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WORLD OF BLOOD SAGA CONTINUES….SHORTLY

AUTHOR: EMMANUEL EBHOMIELEN

catch me live on facebook with emmyfrosty@yahoo.com

adios.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



6 thoughts on “World Of Blood” by emmyfrosty (@emmyfrosty)

  1. Umm…Pardon me, Emmyfrosty, but the 1st part had me laughing out loud. Literally. It felt like a Nollywood movie, complete with the dramatic revenge plea.

    Now, I can’t go through the piece, editing, or showing U where to edit. The truth is that this story is rife with errors. I think U have a basis for a good story, but Ur problem is the telling, and not to mention the numerous erros; typos, tensular and punctuation errors, to mention but a few. The errors will probably rival this piece in length, no offence.

    U made another mistake. U told us how Ur Main Character’s village looked like. U didn’t show us. And U did this at the wrongest (I’m allowed to use that, hehehe) time; when he was mourning his dead father. That was the wrongest time for U to show us what the village had been like. Maybe U r still stuck on the Old-skool action movies, hehehe.

    And the things U tried like this stuff: {Distant African drumbeats} etc.: they have no place in this story. Those phrases are better suited for drama, not prose. It’s irrelevant. U could have simply said it was raining, instead of this: {Increasing droplets of rain}

    And again, Ur story is TOO LONG. No breaks. No paragraphs within. Not good.

    Bottom line? This didn’t work at all for me Jefe. U really need to go back and learn how to write this kind of stuff. Get good thriller books, or books that closely resemble what U have in mind. Study them; don’t just read them. Then read articles on writing. And keep trying. Don’t make the mistake of rushing to get this published in any way like this, seriously. Learn the craft bro. Keep writing, but be ready to take a lot of flak. It’s gonna take time, but if U keep at it, U’ll get there.

    Rewrite this.

  2. wush!!! just got a good well deserved beating..promise to do better…

  3. Hello Emmyfrosty,

    The theme of a superhero story set against the backdrop of an ancient feud is an interesting idea, even if it’s been done before. So what you have could work… but your story needs a lot of work.

    First of all, the way it’s written makes me confused as to whether you are writing a story or a screenplay (e.g. with words like (RAIN SEIZE))

    Then the order in which the elements of the story are introduced doesn’t work for me. It would have been better to talk about the rivalry between the two groups of people JUST AFTER describing the scene of desolation, so that the reader understands better the background to that scene.

    Lastly, there are many typos – incorrect usage of words, tense confusion, incorrect capitalisation.

    I’d love to see this story continued if you can work on the kinds of issues I’ve pointed out.

  4. sure…would work on the second part.. forgive the ‘rain seize’ stuff, just my bad…a freestyle though.

  5. I like the work and effort put into this. It is creative. Just like TO said, please polish things up, and make it clear.
    Keep up the good work, we shall overcome.

    1. that’s really a word of encouragement. i really appreciate this. Thanks

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