Black Beauty (short story version)

Black Beauty (short story version)

Tonight was the night! No dulling it. I wouldn’t miss it for the world…beacause even the world would be watching anyways. I always got dramatic when those Barca boys had a match to play as it was never a moment to miss. I dashed off to Haruna’s where I was sure a crowd would be watching the Finals with a company of bottles amidst pointless shouts and rants.  Haruna’s shop wasn’t only the best for barbing but a meeting point for conc. soccer fanatics cum area boys which was my motivation this particular night. The arguments were always fun when only the mouths were talking and not bottles on heads.

 

In 15 minutes I was there but…Damn! All seats taken. Nonsense!

Aha!…Lightbulb…That lovely revolving chair in front of the small TV was my only craving. It never happens just like that and it was the best spot if I wanted to enjoy the game.

I walked in through the sliding glass door and hailed my goons in their Barca regalia. I was thrilled by the hearty cheers in response but that didn’t earn me the seat anyways.

I immediately beckoned to Haruna for a haircut which in no time got me sitting not just in the comfy furniture but directly in front of the blessing called a TV. I had been grooming my Afro for months now and a trim wouldn’t hurt at least to get me the hot-seat for the next 60 mins left in the game.

“ZZZWOOOOOOMMMMMM…” the hum of his blade began.

Both eyes glued on the TV as we watched Messi our striker dazzle the opponents mercilessly with graceful step-overs. He feinted as if to pass the ball to the left…BUT! …Oh my! In a flash, Marvelous Messi brought it back with his instep to the right, the opponent sliding away in a disgraceful manner on thick grass.

“ZZZWOOOOOOMMMMM…” the blade hummed aimlessly above my head as Haruna was lost in amazement.

We all burst out in applause and the moment of truth came as Messi pulled off an impossible shot in front of the goal. It sailed past the 1st defender…2nd…3rd…and the goalkeeper…and….

“ZZWEEUM!” Haruna ripped off a large chunk of my hair.

GOOOALLLLLL! The whole barber shop was in uproar.
I screamed my epiglottis out! But their shout of victory drowned my shout of despair.

Months of Afro grooming gone in seconds!

I looked furiously at Haruna screaming. The idiot screamed back joyfully giving me a bear hug.

I was mad! I sat back in to the chair and broke into tears…my beauty was gone and the goal was no help in consoling me. Abi dis boy dey mad? I thought within me.
Then the idiot dug deeper!…reaching the desert layer. You would have called it an ‘inverse mohawk’.
In a flash I jumped up and by now he could feel the fire in my eyes.
Making up my mind on the component to displace with punches on his tribal-marked face, he then asked the most ridiculous question ever…
“Oga whish hairstyle, Lowcut or Gorimapa?”

I fainted.

Comments

comments


35 thoughts on “Black Beauty (short story version)” by mikesfrequency (@mikesfrequency)

  1. Profile photo of jlde
    jlde (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    this is good…..

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Thanks a bunch!

  2. Profile photo of Linda
    Linda (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    I looveeeeddd it. the beginning was so captivating, the ‘no dulling’ part was just so funny to me. I was smiling towards the middle but the ending got me in stitches… You obviously wrote from your heart>>>

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Yes oo…(now singing)-straight from the hearrrrt. Hehe. Thanks for stopping by.

  3. Profile photo of Joseph Omotayo
    Joseph Omotayo (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    This is so hilarious! You needed to have been here to see how I was jerking up with laughter to the extent that my siblings had to rush in to see what was almost happening with just my eyes fixed on the screen. I love this!

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Thanks a bunch Joseph. Your view is appreciated.

  4. Profile photo of jeff unaegbu
    jeff unaegbu (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    This is very well written. marked with the signature of a writer’s humour. Haruna completely took all his attention to the game. And the mad hugging made me burst out laughing. Good one, MikesFreq. Not forgetting too your wonderful and unique blend of slang, colloquial, formal, informal and shortened phrasings.

    Minor errors stole in, I suppose: “Beacause” in line one. Not noticeable to a casual reader though.

    Now, Mike, just a little on the rule of concord here:
    “The arguments were always fun when only the mouths were talking and not bottles on heads.”

    Make it more expert-like with:

    “Arguments were always fun when (only)mouths were talking rather than (or instead of) bottles BREAKING on heads.”
    Notice my removal of the definite article “the” before arguments and mouth, just to tally with “bottle” which had no article before it.
    Ellipsis can explain away this rule, but mind you, since you have said “Mouths were talking” some readers may follow a funny logical flaw, if for a passing moment, that “bottles on heads” may mean “bottles talking ALSO on heads”.
    “Only” can stay or go.

    Change “It never happens just like that and it was the best spot if I wanted to enjoy the game.”
    To “It never happens just like that BUT it was the best spot if I wanted to enjoy the game.” The first part of the sentence indicates a sacrifice on the MC’s part (igniting a negative feeling in the MC), the second part ignites a positive feeling. Rule: POSITIVE + POSITIVE = AND; NEGATIVE + POSITIVE= BUT.

    Other than these, I think this flash story deserves an applause.

  5. Profile photo of jeff unaegbu
    jeff unaegbu (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    Ooops! My bad. After my last observation above, I got to understand that you meant the seat was not often empty when you wrote “It never happens just like that”. I was thinking you mean that to sit down on that seat, one has to bring out some money to have a haircut, this is why I suggested “BUT”. So if the first sense is what you meant, then AND is very ok. Still, it is good to be very clear in sentence structuring so that people get exactly what is meant.

    You are very welcome to NAIJA STORIES and I already see some potentials in you.

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Thanks Jeff! I had to read through your comments carefully. Thanks for the breakdown on the ‘mouths talking’ part. I’ll work on the errors against future stories.

      Loving NS by the second.

  6. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha lolz lolz lolz lolz lolz lmao lmao lmao lmao thats all i have to say for this ‘wow’ piece

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Okay xikay…now I’m infected by your laughter.Thanks for reading.

      1. honestly, you did very well

  7. Profile photo of kaycee
    kaycee (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    Ok, now I finally get a fellow humourist on NS, thankgod. This was very funny. Heed @ jeff unaegbu, he knows what he is about. Let me go see what else u’ve posted.

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Yeah sure, I’ve noted Jeff’s comments. As regards the humor thing, I guess we could be partners in ‘the’ crime.:-)
      Waiting for part 2 of ‘Orientation Camp’ Love the story man.

  8. Profile photo of sambright
    sambright (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    @ Jeff has said it all.I love the story with its overwhelming touch of comedy.High comedy for that matter.well done mikesfrequency

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Monsieur Sam. I appreciate that. Thanks for your comments.

  9. Profile photo of Raymond
    Raymond (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    Hahahahahaha!!!

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      That says it all. Glad you enjoyed it.

  10. Profile photo of Eletrika
    Eletrika (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    that waz reali funny.I almost laughed out my epiglottis…just like you

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Hehehe…Laughter is good medicine you know.

  11. Profile photo of Stan
    Stan (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    Really funny stuff here mike.

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Glad you enjoyed it Stan.

  12. Profile photo of Chetachi
    Chetachi (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    I am sure somewhere in that barbershop, my dear husband is sitting and screaming his lungs off for his team:) Nice piece Mikesfrequency!

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Hehehe…Thanks for reading and enjoying it…The world of we-men though I’m not much of a football person sha.

  13. Profile photo of Scopeman
    Scopeman (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    Welcome to NS Mike, and brilliant first piece too, I enjoyed it.

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Thanks Scopeman. Though it not my first here sha. You can check out ‘Ticking away’.

  14. Profile photo of doubleespresso
    doubleespresso (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    Nice one…pay some attention to the spelling and grammar. Goons could be confused with gooners which would be Arsenal. None of these detracted from my enjoyment of a well told tale…good one!

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      *smiling* Thanks.

      On the ‘Goon’ issue, Arsenal is known as ‘Gunners’ and not gooners so I don’t really think it would be confusing. Nevertheless, I’ll note this for future situations.

      1. @mikesfrequency i am an arsenal fan and i know that we do call ourselves Gunners which many have spelled Gooners because of the Gun in our logo

  15. Profile photo of yejide kilanko
    yejide kilanko (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    The story definitely made me laugh. I enjoyed the pace and imagery. An inverse mohawk would have been a updated papa ajasco haircut :)

  16. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
    mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    :-D As in, you got it right Yejide. Your comments mean a lot.

  17. Profile photo of Tola Odejayi
    Tola Odejayi (@): Newbie - 0 pts

    ZWEEEUM… GOALLLL… Inverse Mohawk… Hilarious!

    But you didn’t need to put the bit about fainting at the end – that’s not realistic.

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      hmm…Noted Tola. Thanks a bunch!

  18. very funny indeed, lovely mike, keep it coming.

    1. Profile photo of mikesfrequency
      mikesfrequency (@): Newbie - 0 pts

      Zenk you vewy much. I’ll try my best to do that.

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