May 272011
My tongue can’t speak your languages
My skin has betrayed me
All I have is my pen
I suffer the torment raining in my heart
I long for the rain
To wash over the blood that has replaced my sweat
Stares are now stabs against my presence
I need to go away
And be alone
To cook what is meant for my soul
To eat to my satisfaction
To forgive myself and those betraying eyes that mocks me
The war seemed over
But the fields are still burning like hell
The plane is waiting
How can I get there?
Yes, get to the refuge built using the walls of my dreams?
I feel sick
My hunger is soaked in fuel
I can’t cough
I can only sleep
And pray for horrible dreams not to come
Well structured poem Idoko but I am still trying to ascertain the gist of it. Please help!
Could be about a writer’s plight of desiring success but till far from it….
Is this about a journalist reporting in the North-South divide or the Niger Delta conflict? Powerful words.
This time I only noted one very minor typo-those betraying eyes that mocks me- mock me
Very expressive
There is freedom in interpreting…. that’s a joy of literature… you as a reader might see what the writer couldn’t see while writing…
Sounds like a stranded soldier to me. Nice piece Idoko
Thanks, mikesfrequency…
i feel the soul in this. well done
Very precise style of writing, I thought it was about a black man stranded in oyinbo land o! Keep the pen flying…the voice may be weak, but surely not the pen!
@Irenecarew, It might be about a pen stranded in black man’s land… lol… thanks
looking at this again, i’d say we have a lost and disillusioned fellow…very correct poetry. well done
@Xikay, I appreciate your hailing oh…
All the various ‘analysees’ are on point…but the one that resounds with me most is the ‘lost and found soul’ theory.
That’s the beauty of poetry. Kudos.
Thanks, Seun… I appreciate…
Idoko the fisherman, another nice piece from your stable
I especially loved the last paragraph
These words really had me
I feel sick
My hunger is soaked in fuel
I can’t cough
I can only sleep
And pray for horrible dreams not to come
Hey @Paul, I will love you to come join me fishing sometime… It would really be fun having you around…. Thanks for reading…
Okay sir, would very much like to fish with you
Someday maybe
DO YOU REALLY FISH?
Nice one bro…
FRESH INSIGHTS INTO THIS CUUUUTE POEM!!
I suffer the torment raining in my heart
I long for the rain
To wash over the blood that has replaced my sweat
JUST A FEW SUGGESTIONS FROM ONE THAT LOVED THE POEM
I suffer the torment raining ON my heart
I long for ANOTHER rain
To wash AWAY the blood that has replaced my sweat
the intention is to play on the RAIN….a RAIN of TORMENT and another SOOTHING RAIN to wash away the blood….so while the poet does not want the first rain, he is praying for another….what do you think?