If I Was The Christ

If I Was The Christ

Written on Good Friday. 22nd April 2011

I don’t know at what point I gave up. I don’t know at what point it became unbearable or at what point the pains turned to numbness. All I knew was that when they lashed me for the 31st time, I felt my tendons tear under my skin. When they put that thorny crown on my head, my grey matter practically burst out of its place. When they spat on me, jeered at me, mocked me and beat me to pulp, it was much more than my pride that was hurt. All I knew was that when they hit those huge nails straight into my beautiful God hands, I knew I wasn’t going to take much more. The pains were maddening, the hurt was piercing and the shame was so degrading.

So as I hung there, helpless and beaten on the cross. I realized that I didn’t have to take this. It came to me suddenly like a brain wave. It was just as if a bulb was switched on in my head. What was all this? What was I doing? How was I going to sit here – uhm, not exactly – hang here and take crap from all these humans? How can I let myself be humiliated like this? I looked down and saw the people laughing, taunting and making jokes about me… ME! The soldiers were busy playing games with my clothes. What was that! Then one of them came to me with a drink,

‘Here.’ He said. At least here was someone with a little respect. I opened my mouth and I drank. !@#$%^&@$%$!!! I went berserk, as in I totally lost it

‘NO!’ I spat. ‘ENOUGH! IT’S ENOUGH!’ I screamed at the top of my voice, ‘Take it away! I’m not interested, I can’t do it anymore!’ I was screaming so loud the rumbling thunder was no match for my voice. The people cowered. My nails fell off and I fell down from the cross.

Naked, I stood. The masses were scared and confused. The soldier’s summoned courage and tried to seize me again, but all of a sudden there was a bright light from above and that was the last thing that they saw. I looked up. I saw them and I smiled. As efficient as ever, over twelve of them came charging with Michael in front. The people were dazed. Dumbfounded, they just stood and watched. The angels had come down, all my wounds had vanished, my body was restored and my divinity also. I was clothed once again in my robes of majesty. Now this was how it was meant to be… I looked up…

‘I’m sorry father, but I don’t think I can give my life for these mortals who don’t even know squat about the good I was about to do them.’ The people were saying to themselves:

‘It is he. It is truly he. It is truly the messiah.’ They bowed on their knees and rent their clothes.

‘It is he!’ ‘It is truly he… save us Christ! Save Us!’

But it was too late. I was already ascending. Higher and higher I went. Past Golgotha, past the holy temple with its beautiful coloured curtains, past the sea of Tiberias, past the upper room, past the whole of Israel… the whole multitude of people who looked on as I left them forever. Who cared what became of them, who cared if they died. Who cared if they remained hostage to the devil forever? Who cared if sin totally destroyed them? Who cared if their lives will never know joy and everlasting peace?

Not me…. Not anymore…


26 thoughts on “If I Was The Christ” by Andre (@andresuave)

  1. Ehmnnnnnn @ andre thank God say you no be the Christ!on a more serious note,this craft of yours just set me thinking,it really wasnt easy for Jesus.You have succeeded in bringing to the fore the absolute need to appreciate this wonderful man of Galilee,great,great,great work here,reminds me of my poem ‘where was God?’ find attached right here on NS.well crafted,,well done!

  2. This is some really heavy stuff bro….Good writing, though, but….like Sambright said earlier, thank God say U no be Christ oh!!! We for no get Hope at all…

  3. @andre IF to say you be God or Jesus Christ na im be say water for don pass garri for earth be that…Christ’s sacrifice is even made more important with this write-up…quite creative and right on time bro

  4. Nice one Andre. Very well written. You know, the bit of the story we have in the Bible is horrific enough but after death on the cross, Christ spent three days in the bowels of the earth. What happened in those three days and three nights in the heart of the earth before the resurrection? It is unbelievable I tell you. The story of those terrific 3 days is told in a work of fiction – my first Novel titled TETELESTAI!…….. which is Greek word for IT IS FINISHED!

    The Novel will be out soon.

  5. oh brilliant brilliant stuff. very impressive. of course you aint him and for that we are grateful.

  6. Hey come on guys I tried… I stayed up till dusk… That cup of vinegar was just the limit. Lol.. Thanks though for the compliments.

  7. Very, very brilliant indeed!!! Great writing job dude!! As for the Christ job, thank God you weren’t Christ..lol

  8. A very good sermon here… A good Friday messag…. Well written.

  9. This is quite nice. A very good Good Friday msg! What Jesus did for us was deep oh! Kai. . .

  10. A good stuff bro,but you can never be christ.

  11. Thanx Y’all… and thank God for the gift of his son, the greatest gift ever. Happy Easter everyone.

  12. This was one riveting read…you made me wonder what would have really happened if christ hadn’t died for us.I never really thought of it in the light you threw until now..keep up the good work!

  13. this is really nice…Happy Easter, NS family.

  14. @ Eyitemi… Serious! I would like to see it. Let me know when the novel comes out.

  15. Hmmmn…nice one!
    Makes me wonder, is Christ’s death the only condition for God to forgive his children? Must there be a death?

  16. you only gave up cos u r no God. a beautiful piece with the imagery of the suffered Christ

  17. You only gave up cause you are no God. Anyway,a beautiful piece.

  18. Thanks everyone…

    @ Samson: Yeah man, there had to be death. There had to be sacrifice, y’know, shedding of blood. Jesus’ death ended the use of animals to atone for our sins… he died once and for all for everyone.. his blood intercedes for us and it never runs dry cos he’s not really dead. Get it? Lol. That’s the mystery of christianity.

    1. i am still LOLing over this your piece…THANK YOU JESUS

  19. Absolutely brilliant, Andre. And it makes a very good point – the sacrifice that Jesus made for mankind is not one that an ordinary person would willingly make.

    Oh, and very well written and VERY VERY FUNNY!

  20. A good tale, but being a type who does not like the way naija guys blow sentiment into religion, I am not pleased that most commentators here thanked God the writer was not our saviour, Lord Jesus Christ. Come on, Christ nearly quit and ran when his human nature got overwhelmed by what was ahead of him. Read the accounts of his prayers to God at the garden of GETHSAMANE IN THE GOSPELS. Seriuosly, Andre, pushed the enveklope literarily; he thought outside the box; hell, he just might get us the Nigerian ‘Da VinciI code’ if he has the guts to go on being zany in his thinking and writing.

  21. seriously if i were i christ which is impossible i would iv told GOD right away that i doing aint this,forget it.
    impressive right up.

  22. um………….indeed if you were Christ,it would have long been finished,before it’s finished.

  23. I have to ask. Was jesus’ death necessary for salvation. I mean, what was God trying to prove? And to who? He can just save mankind with a snap of the fingers, cant he?

    Then again, if jesus died through another means say malaria, would that undermine the salvation process?

  24. Yup. Well written.


    Well done.

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