Warped fantasy

Warped fantasy

“Undress yourself and lie flat on your back.” He said to me, his tone deceptively calm. I groaned inwardly, because I knew it was going to come to this. I had even prepared myself subconciously- I had on a matching set of lingerie. The a.c hummed in the background while my heart thudded loudly in the room. Years before, I had dreamt of this moment, and longed for this time with him. He hadn’t changed much, nor had he shrinked. He was 6ft3″, with a footballer’s build and Einstein’s brain. He wasn’t exactly the stop-and-stare kind of guy, but one was easily compelled to stop and stare, at his imposing stature, only softened by thick long lashes that surrounded very expressive eyes and his moderately proportioned pink lips that revealed a single dimple in his right cheek whenever he smiled.

Obinna was my first, and my biggest crush ever. He was 28 when we first met and I was a sassy 12year old. His family had recently moved into the flat adjacent ours and our parents had become fast friends. Obi, was an only child and as such, his parents loved having me around. His mom loved cleaning, and really needed me to mess things up.Obi and I became buddies real quick – only then, he was uncle Obi- and I was the midget that shadowed his every step. I remember him pinching my ear when I called his then girlfriend, a heifer – a word I had heard Obi use a zillion times. I cringe everytime I replay that scene – aunty Nneka ceased playing with me that day.

Obi was my role model, my bestfriend and my confidante, and I was the little sister he always wanted. Now that I think of it, I am certain Obi knew I was crushing on him – he just never let on. About five years ago, Obi and his folks relocated to the U.S after he won a lottery – I swear if I could, I would’ve stowed away on their flight. I blatantly refused to say goodbye, and disappeared when it was time to go to the airport

.* * * * * * *
I was stalling, waiting for something to happen. It was 13.15 and Obi, pardon me Dr. Obi had to go on his lunch break. There I was hopelessly daydreaming and killing time, when outside there was a long queue with seriously sick people waiting to see the good doctor. I don’t know why I didn’t wait to see my doctor – all I can say is, I was in a mad rush to get my checkup done. “Nma-ma, this really doesn’t have to be like this. Just take off your top, and bra, so I can check for lumps.” He said to me again. “Obi, why can’t I see another doctor? I really don’t want you to do this…” I answered, with a set expression on my face.

I wasn’t going to go through with it. No way! To have Obi see me, touch me? Lie lie! I’d rather reschedule and pay some more with money I didn’t have than sit through an intimate examination with Obi – whom I still had a crush on. Choi! I even had all the emails we sent each other in a saved folder called Obi – it was that bad jare. I had followed, scratch that, stalked him on facebook and twitter – with a phony ID ofcourse – so I knew he wasn’t married, and that he had three kids – his daughter whom he named after me.

I just wanted him to know the adult me, maybe he would fall in love with me. I know Obi and he has always been drawn to the creme de la creme, and the almost wraith-like figures of models. He’d never notice me, not even if I wore only water. So there I was once again, daydreaming of something that could never be and spinning fantasies , when uncle Obi was sitting in our living room, with his wife and three children and entertaining us with humorous stories of his chinese suppliers. They had just come in from lagos two nights before, to celebrate the ofala festival and they were staying with us – seeing as he was my dad’s friend.



20 thoughts on “Warped fantasy” by village maiden (@darule416)

  1. very good telling Maiden, but, are u telling me it was all just a dream? Day dream for that matter?
    The end wasn’t quite convincing, it left more questions than answers.

  2. Mazi Nwonwu (@Fredrick-chiagozie-Nwonwu)

    I really loved this. The twists were there and you placed them well. But please cut and throw away the last two sentences, starting from “so there…” This story does not need them at all. Your are good.
    I also liked your “blog” writing style, might not work for conventional writing, but did wonders to your piece.

    1. Em, ‘blog’ writing? Hm. Ok, I don’t even have a blog, so I wouldn’t know what kind of writing style blogs have. :)

  3. ‘I groaned inwardly, because I knew it was going to come to this. I had even prepared myself subconciously- I had on a matching set of lingerie.’

    This felt contradictory to me, cos of the use of the word ‘groaned’. Maybe if U had used the phrase ‘groaned inwardly in anticipation…’, then it could’ve been better….but that’s just me.

    Also, the ending seemed quite unconvincing.
    ‘…so I knew he wasn’t married, and that he had three kids…’, then this:
    ‘…when uncle Obi was sitting in our living room, with his wife and three children and entertaining us with humorous stories of his chinese suppliers…’

    Are U telling me that the whole thing was a daydream? It makes a bit of sense if ‘maybe’ the first part was a daydream, but the whole thing? Not so convincing…

    In-between the beginning and the end though, nice story. Just work on the issues highlighted, that’s all. Good work.

  4. Nice analysis, @Raymond. I enjoyed reading this piece because it was simple enough. But you tagged it a memoir. Is it fictitious or not, I don’t know. This is the way and style I would have written my earliest prose works, only that I experimented with high-class words not normally spoken or ever written. I would start this way, and with constant hard work like reading of novels of several kinds (foreign and local), improvement becomes inevitable.

  5. Thanks all for the comments.
    @raymond, it is a daydream, just something that happened and Iin my mind’s eye and how I rearranged,the wayI wanted it to play out. Warped(distorted) fantasy….
    @emmanuella…it is a memoir, something that did happen, coz I was sitting there and writing a story in my mind that wasn’t real

  6. @emmanuella, i shake my head and fist at you

  7. ok, i love the ‘not even if i wore only water’ expression. i think you have a calm way of writing and using expressions that really delights me.
    i like your stuff village maiden. do take the earlier observations on board though.
    well done!

  8. Xikay…I see u!
    @remi, thx sister, corrections have been noted and filed for d future. Thanx dear

  9. well done village maiden,
    ‘so I knew he wasn’t married, and that he had three kids ‘ did you mean you knew he was married?..
    good write up , ditto @ scopeman.

  10. @village maiden i really enjoyed the story…some things could have been made better but i was chased off by somebody’s comments…you could be better sha…big up…note @posh comments

  11. Raymond has already commented on the first paragraph; I also thought that she was getting ready for an ordeal instead of something she was going to enjoy.

    Also, I didn’t get the transition from dream to real life. Take this part:

    “I don’t know why I didn’t wait to see my doctor – all I can say is, I was in a mad rush to get my checkup done. “Nma-ma, this really doesn’t have to be like this. Just take off your top, and bra, so I can check for lumps.” He said to me again. “Obi, why can’t I see another doctor? I really don’t want you to do this…” I answered, with a set expression on my face.”

    Was this in the dream or not?

    I did like the idea behind the story though – the unattainability of someone you’ve always wanted. Quite well written, too.

  12. Maybe you could brush up your use of word a little, but i’ld give you over 100% for your expression.good work.

  13. I like the way you wrote this piece in a conversational manner as if you were gisting a friend about this over tea.I know for a fact sha that this isn’t the end of the story? No? ditto ray’s comments by the way…keep it up!

  14. Think you are city maiden oh not village maiden, lol.

    12 and 28. 17 and 33(married), really warped.

    I have always a fan of little girl having a crush on the older guy kinda story. Hope this one contiues.

  15. Thanx a lot peeps…all ur kind words have been noted.
    I am humbled…

  16. I kinda appreciated the way you tried to write this as a real day-dream, just like your MC pictured it, the flow was not stilted and that was good too but the end was a bit confusing. kudos!

  17. @elly, thanx….will work harder on my deliveries.

  18. I like it when writers write refreshingly, no airs or graces, lol. This is good village maiden, though you lowered the tone with unnecessary terms like “jare”. I know you want to sound “conversational” but don’t get sloppy ok, lol. To think I was anticipating a steamy hot scene (from the first two lines) only to find out it’s just a doctor-patient scenario ;D. Drats! Nice one

  19. Marya, thanks dear…point noted.

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