Rules and the single lady

Rules and the single lady

I don’t claim to be a connoisseur of the male folk, or an ‘affaires des coeurs’ expert. No! I’m just a regular girl, who’s had enough experience under my belt – yeah, three parts of which, are stories I’ve heard from acquaintances, friends and even some foes. So after hitting the ‘block’ for the 100th time, I decided to go with the flow – below is a rough draft of the rules I intend to live by, when it comes to handling men. Hope you learn a thing or two.

Disclaimer – I’m writing these, based on my observations. I do not profess uncanny knowledge of how relationships work or if my theory will even work, but I intend to live by these rules. So if you choose to follow me, then you do so at your own peril.
1) Identify: ‘shine your eyes’. This is a phrase used by all and sundry, but understood by a select few. In my humble opinion, this simply means, I should be able to recognise the characteristics I desire in the opposite sex before even accepting to go on a first date. Is he tall, funny, quiet, an affable man, generous, neat? Most times, a lot of us blindly plunge into dating men, without even recognising what/where the attraction is coming from. Sometimes, we need help identifying these qualities, so, I suggest you involve your bestfriend or even your sister, because they would probably see further than our myopic view.
2) Assess: After identifying the man, and all the qualities you want him to possess, you need to assess him. Watch out for those subtle things he does absent mindedly – like how he treats his driver, the helps, or even the waiters at the restaurant and if he picks his nose in public or chews like food was going extinct. Worth noting is the fact that, at this point, most of us tend to see a halo above his head and think he can do no wrong or think you can change him. Just like I suggested in point 1, do not discard the advise from trustworthy and sincere family members and friends – had I known is the worst thing that can happen to any person.

3)Control: So Yinka-Emeka-Musa is all you’ve ever asked God for. You’ve identified, and even assessed his pockets and you think he is Mr Right. Congratulations! You just hit the motherlode. Just hold a minute, did you ever think that he could be an imposter? A married man, who acts the part of a bachelor for kicks? Did you ever ask around about him, just to be sure all he told you was true? Are you the only girl in his world or are you just one of the many women in his harem? Yes! I thought as much, you were just too excited to think. So what do you do now? My advise? Get a backup plan – you heard me. In this age, what exactly does not have a backup plan? You should always think plan B and even plan C. I’ve heard some girls go ‘babalawo-ish’ but I wouldn’t advise that kind of alternative, it always backfires. You could choose to have two other hunks – albeit broke ‘youDependent’ men- in the background or better still, get pregnant for him (though I heard this method has been over-flogged and men are 1000% wiser). Bottom line, be proactive – think of something original. Okay?!

And finally…

4) Record: This is merely a formality. If you want others to know where you’ve been or the dangers surrounding certain ‘men’, you could do well to document your experiences, making sure you highlight all the difficulties you faced and how you overcame them. History as I know/read of it, started out as mere tales and lores passed down generations even before Babylon. Documenting your triumph (or not), could help other females in the not so near future – well, that’s my honest opinion.

Yours Truly
Village Maiden



18 thoughts on “Rules and the single lady” by village maiden (@darule416)

  1. Opinion succinctly expressed.Words elude me.

    Well done!!!

  2. I must say that this is an impressive write. Enjoyed reading it. Almost as impressive as your username, lol. So after hitting the ‘block’ for the 100th time? Don’t get what that means, please explain? Think you made good points here. Plan B is understandable, but plan C, nah that one aint flying. Seriously? Plan C? Guys and girls should just be wise. Learn from their mistakes and ‘dullings’, that’s all. Too many rules makes the boy-meets-girl thing stressful. No rules at all, then it becomes so boring. The key is wisdom and alertness and hopefully, Polly will Come Along. Nice to see your posts. Keep writing.

  3. it makes much sense…good one

  4. Ladies corner; I pass…

  5. @lawal, thanks man.
    @jayW, I just meant writer’s block, that’s why I had the block with inverted commas.
    @xikay, thank you.
    @scopeman…*iSee you passing by*, thanx for even taking this route….*_*

    1. u welcome. I’m sure the sisters would appreciate this; but I don’t quite agree with ‘getting pregnant’ for him as a way of confirming ur place.

  6. I don’t either, if you noticed I made mention of the fact that, the option had been overused.

  7. LOL. Love the humour in your piece. The irony of a ‘village maiden’ (with the imagery of) hitting the block the 100th time is not lost on the reader. Gems like “Chews like food was going extinct” and ‘YouDependent men’ had me laughing out loud. You do highlight some ‘home truths’ and the humour does not detract from the message. It works best as non-fiction too. Good job. Well done.

  8. just strolled by to peek at this again…>>> good but not always true..love is dynamic…about writing down some stuffs…when you meet some1, very good one…a friend just got strangled in her flat days ago…no one know anything

  9. Ur opinions are duy noted. Na d ladies go look dis one well well. Good writing though.

  10. @naija lines, thank you, thank God you enjoyed d piece.
    @xikay, omg!! What happened? Am so sorry o! Well this write up was just my thoughts (opinion)as I earlier on pointed out….thank U for taking another look….
    @raymond, u think??

  11. @raymond, FACT… she was practically broken to pieces in her own flat and the security outside heard nothing…her boyfriend knows nothing just like the neighbors…

    1. I am speechless….My condolences bro…

  12. Omg!!! I smell a rotten rodent here jare….haba!!! The guard, her neighbours and even d boyfriend heard nothing?? Spooky…

  13. police say she may have been killed elsewhere and brought home…but some marks like showed she might have been injected with some drugs… the whole house was turned upside down…mystery…her jaw, ribs, limbs were broken

  14. Terrible!
    How are u holding up? we just have to pray the perpetrators of this evil act, are caught and dealt with.

Leave a Reply