Paradise Found

Paradise Found

I’m lost in thrills now,

Only her knows how.

 

I’m not in a daze,

Thoughts leave me haze.

I’m not obsessed…,

Emotion has me possessed.

 

She’s everything of womankind,

Her voice and silence even woo mankind.

 

She wouldn’t stand a chance in perfection’s race,

Her poise is her ace.

 

She wields a lady’s attitude,

Her charm, a woman’s rectitude.

 

If time had a heart,

I’d be sure we’d never part…

 



23 thoughts on “Paradise Found” by 4ran6 (@4ran6)

  1. Nice one. I think you should look at the fourth stanza and see if it really is what you have in mind… She isn’t perfect and only her poise is her ‘ace’ ? I am not sure this is much of praise or rhyming with the rest of the poem which seems to be praising the lady. And you might have noticed, or not, but the first two lines do not rhyme: ‘now’ and ‘how’ …though of course they look alike in spelling.
    I think that this poem has potential but would be far better if you can look at the lines again and see how perhaps, you can infuse some more devices … then work on tightening it up. Well done F’

  2. @Su’eddie, thanks so much for ur worthy criticism amidst ur tight schedule, I’m flattered that u always find time to read my works. I’ll try to infuse more devices, then work on tightening it up… However, ‘now’ and ‘how’ sound alike, just rechecked… As for the 5th stanza:
    She wouldn’t stand a chance in perfection’s race,
    Her poise is her ace.
    I just portrayed the fact that though she isn’t perfect, her graceful and elegant bearing does it for me… She’s my paradise found. What is often said about beauty in the eyes…?

  3. very nice poem and thanks for the clarification, saw that too.
    well done.

    1. Thanks for the compliment and for reading, I’d continue to learn…

  4. @Su/eddie, bross i totally disagree with you sir.
    On the rhyme in the first couplet,…they DO rhyme: we have different kinds of rhymes check this URL please: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhyme#Types_of_rhyme
    the rhymes here are syllabic

    on the issue of the 4th stanza, sire it is very right
    She wouldn’t stand a chance in perfection’s race,

    Her poise is her ace.

    SOME WOMEN DON’T HAVE THE FACE BUT THEY HAVE PRESENCE WHICH IS WHAT THE POET IS TALKING OF HERE
    aside that, the word RECTITUDE shows us that she is also morally upright so…?

    @4ran6, well done SIRE!

    1. Bros ay, U don talk every for the lecture na, wetin I wan add again? Thanks boss!!!

  5. stephen (@atchikichaka)

    nicely knitted! line 2 is my favourite line in the poem!

    1. Thanks… Just saw ur latest work, liking the dangling stuff, lolz.

  6. She’s everything of womankind,

    Her voice and silence even woo mankind.

    That couplet is fantastic. I’ve never heard anything like that before so it stood out for me in the poem.

    1. Hmm, thanks Funmi. Come to think of it, that stanza goes to show that I fell so so in luv to the point that everything she does, woos me… Lolz

  7. @4ran6, i hope the gal knows this lolz

    1. Liver ga!!! I’d let her know someday when courage becomes my friend, lolz

  8. maybe i’ll overtake you to here lolz..

    1. Maybe I’d woo courage faster than I’d planned. Bad guy, lolz!!!

  9. “If time had a heart, I’m sure we’ll never part!” Time F’s up most things sometimes, don’t you think. “If I only had more time”…I’d have become a Billionaire if someone gave me a penny for every time someone said that! Time, my friend, needs to become your friend, not just courage alone. Hmm, it only takes “time”, lol. Second stanza felt shaky though, I’m assuming it’s “thoughts leave me (in a) haze”…or maybe it just read better to me that way. Anyways, I’m kinda starting to get tired of telling you “well done”..but I’ll keep saying it, :)

    1. Thanks man, pls don’t get tired of encouraging ur boy abeg… As for ur corrections, they’re noted. I prefer a terse poem sha, that explains my choice of contracted form of words and expressions…

  10. This is really beautiful…Nice work

    1. Thanks Ukamaka, we’re in this 2geda, forward ever!

  11. I think you have a very nice poem here. Print it and maybe you’ll get all the courage you’ll need. Simple, short, smooth and (mildly) sexy. Nice write.

    1. LMAO, thanks dude! I’ll do as the MASTER has suggested… Lolz *wink*

  12. Need I say more? Dem don yarn every for here. Smooth stuff…

    1. Yeah, u could say comment ur reserve… Thanks bro

  13. nice one you’ve got here, short and precise.

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