I woke to the sound of mother’s wail. which relative had died again?’ I wondered. Mother’s wail always had to do with relatives which we could hardly recall or ones we didn’t know. She’d start by saying, when one of us approached to console her, “You know Uncle James? He’s the one that died. I remember how he used to carry you around calling you his favorite”. And then she’d look at you wanting you to desperately play her game and in a bid to avoid the cold shoulder, you’d concur “Oh! Is it that Uncle James? He was such a nice man” and having played your part you could heave a sigh of relief and go about your house chores as mother would sniffle into silence, occasionally lamenting as how the world was such an evil place.
Mother’s wail was nothing new and Father always tried his best to cheer her up either by offering to handle a major part of the funeral or reminding her of the more responsibilities she had in being strong for the family. Yes, mother liked to be told that she was a pillar and that everything would go awry without her. And so mother’s wail meant someone had died; being in no particular hurry to go and do the necessary ritual, I laid a while longer trying not to relieve last night. His touch had been urgent, his strokes masterful and the entry had led me gasping for breath and even though I had initially tried to resist the feeling; I no longer could as my body incessantly betrayed me on his every touch.
“Is she still sleeping?” Mother’s wailing voice was now at my door forcing me to abandon my thoughts. Mother’s wail at my door could only mean that someone I really knew had died. “Elsie wake up and come and hear what the evil world has done” Mother’s knock at my door became more urgent since I had now taken to locking my door. A new thing that started happening quite recently. “What are you calling her for, Rose?” Hearing the panic in my Father’s voice alerted me that something was indeed wrong. Opening the door, I saw my mother’s face contorted into the worst form of agony. With one hand she made a sweeping direction towards my brother’s room. Eddie and I both stayed on the same floor with my parents having their bedroom downstairs. Was it Eddie who had died? I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind as if by doing so I’d wish whatever evil had happened away.
The door to Eddie’s room was opened and I could see Eddie’s feet hanging inches away from the chair he had used. My eyes traveled slowly up to the still open eyes and I screamed involuntarily. Father came to pull me away and I resisted. “Daddy let go of me!” I screamed Shocked at my attitude, father hurried instead to mother who appeared to have fainted. I was hardly aware of the happenings around me as I stood looking at Eddie. We had laughed together last night and although he had seemed nervous and worried about my health after I told him I was pregnant since I was a sickle cell carrier, nevertheless his touch had been more gentle and arousing. We had even made love till we heard the maids getting up and now here I was staring at his dead body. My hand went to my stomach unconsciously for I now pitied the ‘thing’ I was carrying. I loved Eddie but I didn’t know if I had the energy to love the one in my stomach. Perhaps we were wrong, perhaps we were destined for hell but as I walked away from my love’s body, I knew that finally the end had come….. for me!
Eddie killed himself because his sister was pregnant for him? That’s just terrible…
I think there are many things left unwritten in this piece, even though I could make out most of the hidden pieces. There were errors here and there that you should correct; punctuations and typos, and capitalization too.
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Quite sad.
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It’s a little disjointed at the introduction of the touch.
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This was well written, Enoquin, but I concur with Scopeman; there were a lot of details left out that meant I had to re-read the story.
And even then, I wasn’t entirely sure what was going on. There’s no indication that either Eddie or Rose had any inner conflict over their incestuous relationship; are we to assume that this was not a big deal? How come there was no evidence of any emotional turmoil in Eddie when Rose announced her pregnancy?
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nice story but i also follow @scopeman60, should have been expanded …more details
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Please tell me this is not the end and other parts would be published.
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@all: The mistakes are all mine, I wouldn’t put it down to the fact that I typed it under 30 minutes, just wanted to see if I could do it…
?The flash is an off shoot from a poem I wrote. In the poem, the incest first started as a rape. If Elsie didn’t show remorse in this story it could either be that she had shown remorse earlier in the poem or that she had a psychological defect. Remember she is seen as already dead being a ‘sickler’. Eddie’s remorse is in his suicide which could be due to the reality check via the pregnancy.
Anyways, thanks for the corrections. They are duly noted
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@enoquin, this is nice. i like the twist. its funny i wrote something in the same ball park as this. maybe u guys can check it out(?) its titled rewind. someone said i had a sick mind, they should come n read this. thumbs up.
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@neolite: do not make me like you o! Sometimes a twist is needed as spice in a story and in to vary the story from the regular kinds read. Tanx
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@neo-lite, me read REWIND
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@neo-lite…Yes oh!!! And it TUMBLED us both. Our collective heads were swelling from the Heady stuff there. Hehehehe…
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@enoquin. Em, U want to join @neo-lite eh Camoquin? Hehehehehe. No mind me jorr. Nice piece, but heed our WAEC examiner-sorry, @scopeman60‘s words.
?Brave work. And people say I am crazy…
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@raymond, you can say that again..lolz
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@Raymond: is there anything bad in what neolite is doing or what i wrote for that matter? Camoquin, indeed. So, since you are in the craze club and am tending towards there, can you give me any guiding tips?
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@enoquin…Sorry oh, but my craze na for another direction oh! D one that makes U look over Ur shoulder during the day, and keeps U awake at night…
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@enoquin, i bet you dont wanna be RAYMONDcrazy…its sick….abeg just go jeje before some RAKMUNISH stuff wrap you up
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@xikay…Abeg tell am oh!!!
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@Raymond: Please forget I even suggested it. Abeg no vex
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hey. what is happening here? sick minds are congregating.
?@xik und @ray, make una leave eno alone na.
@eno, don’t mind dem jorr. dey’re playing with your mind. na play we all dey for NS.
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Just read dis piece… Started slowly, but b4 long, my face was few inches from d computer screen; I almost got in2 it. Under 30mins? This draft would make a very wonderful piece on expansion…
?@u all, wat is it with CAMOQUIN?
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@4ran6 and @camoquin, sorry @enoquin, we be making laffter here lolz
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which kain pun b dis na?
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@the crazylites: me vex? That means i would have to loose appetite for the coconut rice i am about to consume….no way!
?@neolite: tanx jare
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