Suicide is a Suicide, Or is it?

Suicide is a Suicide, Or is it?

Okondu, a young man in his early thirties. Young indeed!

– “Age is an issue of the mind”, he has always proclaimed. “As a matter of fact, I feel like a young baby trapped in a 32 year old body”. And indeed, he tells the truth. Unless he told you, there is no way you would know he is that old. Handsome, tall and light in complexion, he cherishes the design, which is his body, that the creator had created.

As a local businessman, selling farm products for the farmers, he is well respected. Humility, honesty, and any other virtue one could think of, he possessed. What’s not to like in him? His diligence had brought him before kings, he had helped the Agriculture committee in devising plans to improve the  output of crops, and his fame was even fast spreading to the neighboring towns and villages. And yet, not everyone likes him. Jealousy won’t let them. Their failures won’t let them, there is no way they could be happy for me.

-“He’s kicking all of us out of business, that Okondu”.

-“I wish there is something we could do about him”. How about actually improving the service you render to people, but no, the plot against him thickens.

-“Goodnight, Pa Kasila”

-“Ah, Goodnight my son. Be safe, and may God guard you”, a broad smile on his face. He is clearly proud of him, at least we would assume. Okondu slams the padlocks to his store shut. He turns around to take his journey home. Pa Kasila hisses. Under his breath, “May God punish you”

Okondu’s journey to his house was going to take him along a long, lonely path. He had no reason to be sad, especially this night since he had just bought his lovely wife a present, the best money could buy. But, oh boy was he wrong!

-“Okondu, Okondu…..”, the poor man running after him was panting for breath. The distance he has to run is till long. He stopped for a minute to catch his breath, and again, he started running, still calling his name, shouting on top of his lungs with the little strength he had.

Okondu heard his faint call, at least that’s what it sounded like to him. He stopped. “Who could it be?”, he thought to himself. And lucky enough, he soon caught up with him.

-“Ah, Mustapha. It’s you. Why do you follow me so?”

-“I…..hhhaaave……an ur-gent me………ssage for you”, he replies, amidst heavy breathing.

-“Yes? Is it that urgent?”

He gathers himself together.

-“Yes it is, my friend. It’s a matter of life and death”.

-“So, why don’t you tell it to me?”

-“Okondu, you won’t get home, if the plan works out. You won’t last tomorrow!” He delivers the blow. Okondu chuckles.

-“Mustapha, what plan?”

-“Some of the traders have decided to get rid of you. They lay ambush for you my friend”

-“This is indeed a very urgent news. Thank you Mustapha. I have heard you, you may go your way”

-“Listen to my words Okondu. I know you are a heady man. Remember, it is an issue of life and death.” And so after these words, he went, back the way he had come from.

Okondu sat on the grass. The twigs snapped beneath his buttocks. He knew within himself that Mustapha had not at any point in his life delivered a news that didn’t turn out to be true. In fact, he considered him his advisor.  Mustapha had saved his life a lot of times. Should he believe him this time? Why should he not? Does it really matter? If he went back to the town and he called the authority, and they found out where they laid in wait for him, he would be free, and alive. Even if they found out it was a false alarm, he would still be free, and alive.

It sounded like a good plan, and simple too. He got up to turn around, however something deep inside him wanted him to tread that path where death awaits him. It was so strong that it drowned the voice of reason within him. He loved it, it made more sense to him. Not that he did not fear, he feared, and he knew for sure, he was convinced that death was within reach. Was it for the thrill, or was it for something bigger? Whatever it was, he understood it. He knew for what!

And he starts to take his step, one after the other, his right before his left. The left foot forward, and…

Rat-at-tat-tat-tat.

-“I’m coming home”, he whispered to himself, and he was dead.Why, oh Why? I wish I knew why! He plunged himself to his own death. He knew, but do we? Why, oh Why!?



28 thoughts on “Suicide is a Suicide, Or is it?” by Ayokunle Falomo (@aryor)

  1. Little punctuation errors i notices here and there, but its a good story. Like i read this somewhere sometime ago, not sure if you posted it or was it a blog?

    1. @writefight, little punctuation u NOTICES?(BUAHAHAHAHAHAAA….choke! cof!)

    2. Ahahaha, @neo-lite. That’s what I first notices too. But thanks. I don’t know why, people usually say that they’ve read my stories somewhere before, but no this story has not been posted anywhere before.

  2. writefight, i think i more than ditto u: there are also grammatical errors(like yours, abi u dey use style yab?). @AYOKUNLE, i’m thinkin, is it a new style to start with second person and slip into first person in the same sentence?u did dat alot. nice story tho,i guess as they say when it comes to death, there’s no discharge from this war. when its your time, if no be the bad bele peoples e for b snake wey for bite him bumbum as him siddon for bush dey reason. LIFE!

    1. I don’t think I started with second person. The only second person in the story is “Unless he told you, there is no way you would know he is that old”, and it’s in the middle part, and it’s not wrong either. It’s not a new style, I don’t even think it’s a style. I predominantly used the third person, and occasionally the first person, but those were in the dialog. Anyways, thanks, I really appreciate it.

      “…e for b snake wey for bite him bumbum as him siddon for bush dey reason…” YOU’RE FUNNY!, but hey that’s LIFE.

  3. neolite. You are nutty…forgive my fingers on my text buttons.

  4. Lol@ Writefight and neo-lite. Had more fun with your comments than I did reading the story. Thanks, guys!

    1. :( No thanks to the writer? Your comment was a wee bit insulting though, but I won’t take it to heart. Now where is that handkerchief so I could wipe away this single yeye tear that dey fall down my eye…

  5. Shape up on your grammar, bro. Your tale is a tragedy that made my heart bleed. Similar to the scenes in ‘Julius Caesar’ by Shakespeare where Cinna the poet is murdered. He had a premonition that Caesar was inviting him to a meal on the day the guy (Caesar) was murdered. Against his wish, despite his cold, Cinna ventured out to the streets and was slaughtered by Romans seeking for Caesar’s killers though he was innocent. Good effort.

    1. I wouldn’t mind if you gave me pointers bro. I would appreciate if you could tell me specific ones, and I could figure out the rest. Thanks. But yeah, it is a tragedy. I was thinking about this idea that if you knew someone waiting for you at the house was going to kill you for sure, like REALLY, and yet you went into the room, isn’t that suicide?

  6. @ayokunle, i still am tyring to get your drift in this story… it has more potentials than you exploited…again there were error of tense mix up especially in the 1st paragraph..
    And indeed, he tells the truth. Unless he told [tells] you, there is[was] no way you would [will?] know he is that old.
    and indeed, unless he told you the truth, there was no way you could have known that he was old[full past]
    and indeed, unless he tells the truth, there is no way you can know that he is old[present]
    the end was also kinda fluffy and rowdy for me

    just my thought though

    1. Thank you so much bro. I did my best though, but I wish I was able to exploit those potentials like you said. Tense has always been a battle for me. Remember someone pointed it out in one of my stories. THANK YOU SO MUCH for pointing that one out. Read below if you still wanna catch the drift of the story.

  7. @neolite ,so you were searching for typos in comments now, very funny.
    @ayokunle,sorry about the ‘yeye tear’ uche caused,i enjoyed your story,but ditto xikay.
    (i enjoyed the comments too)

    1. Thank you. No mind me and my yeye tear, lol.

  8. Hmmm…I ditto Xikay, and somehow, the story seemed to get away from U towards the end, like U were rushing to finish it. It was a good story, but it seems U just scratched the surface. And the title…didn’t really do it for me. Choosing a title is almost as important as writing the story. It has to be connected to the story, even if abstractly.
    Nice work, but needs a rewrite. And watch the tenses, n the POVs U use. Stick to one, n if U want to switch at any point in time, do it in an unconfusing way.

    1. I think it feels like I scratched the surface because there is something more profound going on underneath. It’s left for the reader to unearth it, which none has done so far as of now. It’s very evident the title IS connected to the story, again, if the piece itself is understood. THANK YOU RE: the tenses, that’s my weakest point. I’ll watch out for those next time. Oh, I got an additional weakness now, POV, thanks to you for pointing that out, lol.

  9. em, after u explained the concept for this piece, it still didn’t help me much.
    It is however a good effort

    1. Thanks @Scopeman. I didn’t really explain the concept of the piece though. If I did, it will be a whole article in itself, ahaha. But if you want to understand it, read this part again:

      Not that he did not fear, he feared, and he knew for sure, he was convinced that death was within reach. Was it for the thrill, or was it for something bigger? Whatever it was, he understood it. He knew for what!

      And he starts to take his step, one after the other, his right before his left. The left foot forward, and…

      Rat-at-tat-tat-tat.

      -”I’m coming home”, he whispered to himself, and he was dead.Why, oh Why? I wish I knew why! He plunged himself to his own death. He knew, but do we? Why, oh Why!?

      The main question is “what caused him to make that decision?”. The piece is supposed to raise questions like “COULD IT BE…”

  10. Uche, never mind neo, he likes humour to death. in correcting someone, i made a mistake and he is making a stand up comedy out of it. Neo,your case will be directed to the Admin if you dont dobale for me. lols.

  11. Good story. Didn’t quite like how it was told. But if it’s an experimental piece, then it sure makes more sense. So?

    1. Thanks @Jaywriter. I must confess though, it really wasn’t an experiment per se.

  12. Thank God for the explanations, i would have still br groping in the dark……
    Enough has been said, try to heed the comments.

    Well done!!!

    1. I sure will heed the comments sir! Thank you! And thank God I took you out of the dark, if just a little bit lol.

  13. Nice one. Guess his time was up no matter what he might have done to prevent it.

    1. Indeed, what could he have done, really? Thanks for reading @Lade.

  14. guys abeg make una leave my broda make e rest small, imdey hot with knocks by now head

    1. Seriously bro, PLEASE don’t do that! For real! I don’t think I appreciate what you’re trying to insinuate, cos if it is an attempt at a joke, it’s a bad one! Don’t brew up something that is not, PLEASE!

  15. Quite funny reading the comments on this again. I wonder why I was so pissed/defensive lol

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