Pretence

Am crying in the rain

to hide my pain

too afraid to reveal my true state

so plastered on my face

is a fake smile

while am drowning in a sea of sorrow inside

Am laughing at jokes

while deep within,

my heart soaks

drenched from the waves of despair that strikes

So I wear a mask

to hide my true self

Oh! What a great performer I am

for I play my part so well

that no one can tell



23 thoughts on “Pretence” by afro-prince (@olayinka)

  1. wow, this says it for all of us…@afro-prince, nice one here…good to see your name back on the roll call…BIG UP.. the poem so nearly became a sonnet…
    intermittent rhymes, good choice of words…nice lines but INCONSISTENT! you start some lines with the lower case and others upper case…also i would have loved if you used I’M rather than AM

  2. Loved this afroprince.Only issue I have is the punctuation, like xikay has said.

    Well done!!!

  3. afro-prince, you are just too much!

  4. My Guy, nice to see this.
    But why did you decide to jettison the rhymes after you started so well with it? If you had seen the rhymes through, you could have written a sonnet like xikay said…think about it. cheers!

  5. Xikay has said it all. Tweak it a bit. Nice one.

  6. Thanks everyone for your encouraging & insightful comments.Point noted on the punctuation aspect. I guess I should have followed through with the rhyming but I found it a bit difficult as rhyming doesn’t always flow naturally for me and deliberately following a rhyming pattern changes the poem for me. :)

  7. @afro-prince this is good i must say, but much attention was devoted to the learning point that some of the beautifying elements of poetry were ignored. u should remember that u have the license to the use of words of ur choice insofar as the bring out the beauty of poetry in ur poem. as other friends here have suggested rhyming would have made this work exceptional. i think each line in a poem should start with the upper case or are u experimenting a new style?
    this will make a very nice work if u would go back to ur study and work on it
    well done bro!

    1. @adams thanks for the compliment. I am not sure what you refer to as ‘learning point’, can you please clarify further. As regards each line in a poem starting in upper case, I believe that should be left to the poet’s discretion as he/she has the poetic license to choose what pattern he/she desires.Most modern poetry don’t have capital letters in each line, rather they start with a capital letter at the beginning of each stanza and a full-stop at the end of it. Thanks again :)

  8. Nande!you’re a very good lyricist! I am so impressed! I can relate to this and i’m sure others can as well.

    1. Thanks a lot for your uplifting words colotrends. I am glad you could relate to this as we all feel down sometimes in life, but friends, family & God gives us the strength to overcome. :)

  9. Someone already mentioned I’m instead of am. Except for that, totally enjoyed reading. Good one.

  10. Excellent.Take note of the corrections stated above.

  11. Thanks guys, am glad you enjoyed it. I have taken your advice and corrected the mistakes in the original work. :)

  12. @afro-prince, you’re right…better lose the rhyme than force it at the expense of the theme

  13. i take the contrary view @xikay, i like poems for their beauty in the use of words and rhythm as against themes development i think that should be left for prose and drama to carry. @afro prince when i said learning point i meant theme/meaning/semantic relevance.
    one love!

  14. Good one here, Afro-Prince…

    1. Thanks mate. I am glad you enjoyed it.

  15. @adams you will agree that forcing out rhymes does kill a poem sometimes…i write my poems with rhymes because its my style…some people dont…and they make sense

    1. @xikay i agree with you that not everyone’s style is to write poems in rhymes & yet the poems still make sense as it has other elements such as simile, alliteration, personification etc.

  16. Wow…nice one..yu rili painted a clear picture of yur emotions….I love dis poem….endorsed!

    1. lol I can tell from your comments that you are a comical person by nature. Am glad you love it. Thanks. :)

  17. Keep writing Afro-Prince, you are good. The photo used also added to your effort.

    1. I am glad you enjoyed it mate & thanks for the encouraging words. I agree with you that the picture helped in conveying the message.

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