Man from the future

Man from the future

Ada looks at the mirror and smiles mischievously. It’s been a while since she last played this bitter-sweet game of love.

Five.

Maybe eight years. She cannot exactly remember but she knows it is as far back as her teens. She is looking gorgeous tonight. That she knows. She does not need the compliments of her best friend, Edith, to reassure her.

Her red lipstick – as red as the roses Bayo had sent her – blends perfectly with her blond skin and her red evening gown. Only a wizard can see the amount of deceit that lies underneath.

She has carefully selected this gown because she knows it accentuates her curves – curves that would make any man drool over her. That is what she wants tonight – those three bastards drooling over her like dogs.

Ada applies the finishing touches to her make-up. She winks at herself in the mirror and sits on the sofa. She has intentionally prepared early, so that she can finalize her almost perfect strategy for tonight’s showdown. She barely sits on the sofa when she hears a knock on the door. It is the last thing she is expecting – a visit from anybody tonight. She hesitates for a moment before opening the door.

“Good evening Ada.” A huge, handsome, middle-aged man stands before her. His sonorous voice sinks deep into her heart, almost making it melt away. She has never heard a voice so tender, yet so deep. She gives him a quick glance – he is clothed in the best designer suit she has ever seen. He’s even wearing a red tie, like he knows that’s her favorite.

“Um… Hi,” she stammers.

“May I come in?” “Of course you can.” She has just broken one of her numerous rules – never allow a stranger into your home – because of this man’s charm. Their shoulders brush and Ada can perceive the thick fragrance of his cologne. Tastes like chocolate. He sits on the couch; with so much swagger that Ada thinks he is from another world. There is something about him which she has never seen in another guy.

“My name is Richard,” he says, looking straight into her eyes, as if he has known her for a long time.

“Nice meeting you Richard. I am …”

“Ada. I said that at the door.” He smiles. It is then it occurs to Ada that he had called her name at the door. How did he get to know her? “I know everything about you Ada.”

“What?” Ada asks. She is taken aback. How can a man she has never met before claim to know everything about her. That had to be the biggest joke of the century.

“I am your husband from the future Ada and I’m here to save your life. You cannot go on that date tonight. You are going to have an accident and become paralyzed for life.”

“Yeah right.” Ada laughs. She is not about to believe this weird guy or anything about the future. Anybody could have guessed she was going on a date by the way she was dressed. He must be a real psycho. Her initial admiration for him is already turning sour. Her phone suddenly rings. It’s Ben.

“I think I have to be on my way now Richard. You may leave.”

“You’ve got to listen to me Ada. Your life is in danger. I know about Bayo, Ben, and Segun. You don’t have to do that. Come with me and I’ll help you.” Richard was already standing.

He even knew about the three of them, Ada thought. No it had to be a ploy or something. People don’t come from the future, do they? She asks herself.

“I don’t need your help psycho! Leave now or I’ll call the police.”

“Alright. I will leave. But I will be watching.”

Ada is driving to the restaurant. That is where she would meet the three men. She can vividly remember the ‘man from the future’. She giggles. He knew a few things about her but she was not cut out for such crap. Her mind is made up. She is going to do exactly what she has planned. There is no stopping her. Those three men would have to pay dearly.

She is already at the restaurant and she parks in the garage. She now has to get across to the restaurant and finish her mission. She takes a step on the road and her phone rings.

“Hello.”

Honk! A truck is coming ahead. Its full lights are on and it doesn’t look like it is going to stop. She turns around and gasps.



29 thoughts on “Man from the future” by chuboy (@chuboy)

  1. Um, you didn’t say if this is part 1, but I’m guessing there are other parts. An interesting piece you have ‘started’ here, oya, hurry up and post the other parts.

    1. Kingsley, are you sure there was any indication of other parts to this flash? Me, I no see am, o! And I’m not looking forward to any more parts. I advise you not to guess, hm?

  2. Think you got a very unique concept here. Good one. Kinda reminds me of Meet Joe Black. Hope you’ll help unravel some issues by posting more parts. But still a good one if you don’t post more.

  3. Hmmn! Interesting. But if she died in an accident that night, how was she alive and married in the future? and if she didn’t die, how did he know about an accident that never happened?

  4. Right! short,sweet and suspenseful..that’s enough to increase the ache in my head! There had better be another part or else! grrrrr!!! lol
    you did good although i think there are a few thing you should consider.
    -blonde is a description used more for hair than skin.I get that she was probably fair in a golden honey sort of way but blonde doesn’t quite fit.
    -fragrance can’t taste like chocolate but it can remind you of chocolate so maybe you should re frame that again
    -to ‘perceive’ a smell is using the word wrongly.If you check out the meaning of the word,you may find that another word may be best suited for that sentence.Other than that,Bravo! and get started on the next part!

    @lade…good thinking..lets see how it goes eh? *wink*

  5. NOW THIS IS SCARY!

  6. @ Lade: methinks you read this wrongly. She didn’t die but was paralyzed for life (as told by Ade) and the accident did happen; or is about to happen. Ade’s her husband in the future, hence the proof that she didn’t die.

    @ chuboy: love this absolutely. Do take criticisms to heart!

    1. Oops, my bad. Must be that i have death on my mind, URGH!
      Thanks, sis.
      And Abby, i have missed you. Where did you disappear to during the yuletide?
      Happy New 2011!

      1. Hey sis, am good. Great new year to you as well.

        I didn’t disappear; just went offline for a bit. Did send you a mail though (not on here).

        I have missed you too, dear sis. How have you been keeping? My in-law too?

        1. Will go check the mail now. Your in-law is good. Says hi.

        2. Didn’t get the mail. On my hotmail?

  7. @ Lade: that’s right, she didn’t die. She only got paralyzed.

    @Chuboy: I did a double take when I read the blond skin thing. Blond is more suited to hair.
    I enjoyed the story, and I think it will do just fine without a part two. The ending makes for a nice cliffhanger.

  8. Ye-ah… This is scary and i love scary. Nice story you have here,waiting patiently for the second part.

  9. What I feel now is the kind of thing real writers do with their audience… And it makes people believe writers are from a different planet… This is creativity!!! I was hoping the husband in real-time would show up at the accident scene….

  10. Ditto Uche Okonkwo. Plus, she perceived his cologne, and it smelled like chocolate? However, this is nice. My kind of stuff…hehehe…Me thinks me’s found another kindred spinner eh? I think there’s a little bit missing between where she chased Richard to where she was driving to the restaurant. One thing I will like to know though; did Richard somehow travel through time, or does he see the future?
    Nice story U got here…

  11. I ditto @estrella on the aspect of ‘blonde’ being a description used more for hair than skin, on the issue of ‘fragrance’ that can’t taste like ‘chocolate’ but can remind one of chocolate and on the issue of ‘perceiving’ a smell being a word used wrongly in this short piece. Muchios gratias, @Estrella, for this. Even at first when I saw the phrase ‘blond skin’, I dey wonder weda na albino dis babe be. But maybe she was an albino of which the sun really smoothed her skin for her and made her look like one beauty-queen ‘oyibo’. :)

    @Chuboy, I would want you to add a bit more aesthetics on your pivotal character Richard, his emergence into Ada’s life. I commend the way you described him. Another thing that bothers me a bit was the reason Ada needed to ‘dress to kill’ in order to actually ‘kill’ these three guys – Bayo, Ben and Segun. In a way, @Chuboy, you left me guessing on that, you left me the reader to assume this: Maybe there was a time these three guys gang-raped her; maybe these three guys caused a lot of havoc in her family and killed one of her family members or something. [Hmmm… no wonder @scopeman dey ask for other parts! Na wa! :D] A second or third draft to this story is required, @Chuboy, if you want it to really stand out. Good writing, by the way.

  12. @chuboy, sincerely, you tried but i must confess that i’m not tripping for the way you tripped over the TENSE structure. please look it through

  13. Now this is good fiction chuboy.With or without a part 2, it made a very interesting read.

    Well done!!!

    @ xikay: I no see any issues with the tenses o, sebi na present tense till the end, abi?

  14. @opeyemi, the story is good but its is belaboured by an attempt to stick to the present continous tense… you would agree that mixed tenses make for easier reading…
    Ada is driving to the restaurant. That is where she would meet the three men. She can vividly remember the ‘man from the future’. She giggles. He knew a few things about her but she was not cut out for such crap. Her mind is made up. She is going to do exactly what she has planned. There is no stopping her. Those three men would have to pay dearly.

    this looks like a description to help a director write his shooting script… in film

  15. @ xikay: I wan agree with you, grudgungly…….lol.

  16. why grudgingly? dont you think kit would have read more nicely if the tense were mixe like:

    Ada drove to the restaurant where she was to meet with the (the three?)men. As she drove, she could vividly remember ‘the man from the future’. she giggled. True, he knew a few things about her but she was not cut for that crap. Her mind was made up to do exactly as she had planned. The men would have to pay deary and there was no stopping her.

  17. For me, there’s a lot of context missing from this story, especially the backstory to her upcoming meeting with the three men. Besides that, there’s not a lot else happening in this story for me to comment on.

  18. @tola-odejayi, i cant disagree with you

  19. Am sorry for not responding to comments; network issues. Anyway i appreciate all those who criticized my first post on Naija stories.
    @ tola: i intentionall left the backstory. it was meant to arouse the readers thoughts, you know, like keep him guessing on what really happened.
    I could work on another draft anyway.
    thank you all.

  20. @xikay: i wanted to use a tense different from the norm. i don’t think there’s anything wrong using the present.
    @uche: thank you for pointing out the blond issue. will keep it in mind

  21. @chuboy, good idea but i think you should consider the readers more…

  22. All points noted, i think it’s a good story. It’s provoking…even though there ARE some inconsistencies.

    For instance, if I somehow went to the past to save my future wife’s life, would I just keel over and allow her go on the journey where I know she would have a terrible accident?! And in Nigeria…you don’t call the police. Which police; seriously?!?!

    Nice effort tho.

  23. @ seun: Thanks. Sometimes when you write, these things don’t just come to your head.

Leave a Reply