You Need Me To Feel Good

You Need Me To Feel Good

And God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”

This is the most quoted scripture in the Bible. It is quoted in reference to only, perhaps marriage.
But could there have been a deeper and more far reaching idea in the mind of God when he said that, that for the first time something was not good? Could he have meant that it is simply not good for Adam to dwell in that garden alone without someone of his kind, who would serve as a sounding board for his dreams, and it need’nt always be a wife? This is why I say, I think you need me to feel good.

Did you ever read a facebook status or note or look at a picture and didn’t first read my comment before writing your own?

Do you see how sad you are when you organise parties and I do not show up , and when in fact too many people show up, you complain about it only in a mildly irritated tone, and for someone who is supposed to be piqued, you tell so many people about it?

Does it happen that it won’t ever mean a thing to you if GEJ came to visit you in the dead of the night, when I was asleep, and left stealthily by the backdoor without no one seeing him, and you even had no opportunity to take a picture on your Blackberry and upload it, so it’s up in my face on my facebook wall?

Have you ever taken extra care to dress up and look good, sometimes go as far as buying a new bag, or earrings just before you went for an event where you were sure to see me?

Does it matter to you that your mother or father or fiancée or husband come to visit you at school dressed in their best clothes because you know I’ll be watching, when in fact it would matter much less if they dressed in rags when you were with them at home?

Does it matter to you to throw a big birthday party for your one year old, with all the trappings of your peculiar economic circumstance; party packs, bouncy castles, souvenoirs including buckets and flasks when your one year old will sleep half way through the event, of course, just because I’m coming?

Does it matter to you, that I see you making those steps, looking like you’re succeeding, looking like you never fail.

So in the case of the facebook commenting, you look at mine first before writing yours, because you want to write yours in the context of mine. You instantly assess the level of my intelligence, and you write yours to match it, or if within your power, top it!

In the case of your parties, you need me to be there to celebrate you, to see how well you’re doing, or in some cases how much you have , or maybe how well you’re able to allocate your lean resources to produce an illusion of wealth and worthiness (thereby becoming a member of the party with the slogan (“It’s not about how much you have”!)

In the case of GEJ’s visit, you need me to see you with him, and/or see the picture, because if I wasn’t there and you told me, I might not believe you, and even if I was there, I may later deny, so that’s where the picture comes in.

You take extra care to dress up, because you want me to think of you as beautiful, as lovely , and more fundamentally, simply as being capable of dressing up!

You are willing to place your mother or father on the altar of your personal ego, sacrificing them to feed your desire for my silent validation. You want them to look their best and be smart and be cool. It doesn’t matter that you think less of these things when you I’m not there.

And as for your one year old’s birthday party, you will need me to be able to say you threw a hot party! The child doesn’t know and doesn’t care and just wants to sleep or smear the ten thousand naira Winnie the pooh cake all over his face. No! You say, “Aunty is here!”

So you see, you need me.

But don’t need me too much.

Feel free to be yourself because I am myself. Those times when you think I’m looking , I’m simply looking – at myself, thinking you’re looking.

Feel free to be yourself, and fail when you have to, because I fail too, I’m failing right now in not letting you know just how much I need you , even as you need me.

Feel free to be yourself because I am afterall not your God, but a fellow product off the assembly line, I may have come off first, or you first, but we still are products off the line. I may have been made to write, you to sing, but our shared sense of worth is in our Maker. The worth of an LG freezer or speaker is just that. It’s LG!

You need me to feel good because I can challenge you to do better, to speak better, to live better. And that is in fact what I want.

You need me to feel good only when I confer on you the empathy that comes from a shared heritage, a common struggle, a mutual destiny.

You need me to feel good. I need you to feel good. Let’s meet ourselves halfway!



33 thoughts on “You Need Me To Feel Good” by Berry Feistypen (@berry)

  1. Thought provoking for me, I agree that the bible quote “it’s not good for man to be alone” can be applied beyond the context of marriage. There’s no doubt that most of what we do and how we do it is influenced by our considerations for other people’s opinion, it’s rather positively ironical that the people who should matter most to us actually would prefer us to be our true selves as much as possible. Very fine message, Thanks.

    1. True, I agree Tee, it brings us to another point that “We need some people more than we need others!” ; people who will validate us just as we are and then remind us that we can be so much better! Thanks for reading!

  2. You are right – your writing truly reflects you. You are smart, deep, witty, funny etc. And your writings make me feel good *wink* lol.

    1. I’m glad u think so Lade, I need you to keep reading, yeah! :) :)

  3. Amazing read. Very challenging. Love it!

    1. Oooh, thanks @Temiville
      Glad you love it! :)

  4. Good one halle berry. Good one for us to ponder over. Just watched ‘It Happens in Vegas’ two days ago, think your article kinda shares an idea with the film. Good one berry.

    1. Jay, Jay, To you, all of life is a film! :)
      Thanks for reading. I appreciate the goodwill.

  5. Wow…from the beginning I was like ‘what an effrontery she has to claim she is so needed’, but I realized I had jumped to conclusion too early. Very nice and subtle command of plot.
    Nice work

    1. Hey Abbey, thanks a lot.. lol @ jumping to conclusions… It would help for you to note though, that when you see I/me(first person narrative) and the piece is not titled a memoir or an autobiography, it most often refers to a point of view, a way of looking at things…
      Thanks , I’m glad u found it nice. Cheers :) :)

  6. BlackBerry :) reading this the second time sure made it sink better.
    Nice work dear.

    1. Hey, Roy Roy…thanks babes :)

  7. I enjoyed this,nicely done.
    You rock

    1. Hey, Gretel…thanks dear.
      Yayyyy! I rock…!

  8. neat, you wrote this considering both sides of the balance.

    1. Yeah, Adeyinka, I believe it’s the best way to make any argument, especially one that is written. You have to preempt the contradictions and attack beforhand, because of course you wont be there when the reader is reading. :)
      Thanks for reading, and I’m glad you found it neat.

  9. BERRY
    BERRY
    BERRY
    always going for those piece that are thought provoking
    enjoyed this as well.

    1. :) :)
      Thanks Anderson
      I’m glad you enjoyed!

      1. you are welcome
        keep letting the ink flow.

  10. Berry, I’m repeating my request to spend just one day in your mind…..

    What I liked most about this is when you switched POV.

    I could go on and on, but let me just stop to say

    WELL DONE!!!

    1. Hey, Lawal, :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
      I could go on and on but I’ll just say
      Thank you!! :)

  11. Thanks for the message.
    You are a good writer.
    You could make a mountain out of a mole hill.
    Berry, could you do me a favour

    1. Ibk, thanks dear, and lol@mountain out of a mole hill. :)

  12. Good read Berry
    Thought provoking and real

    1. Hey Naija Mum, thanks a lot…Cheers and how is the Naija baby? :)

  13. Burberry, am just seeing and reading this piece now,and i had to go over and over again.
    Quite thought provoking and very nice.thumps up for you!!

    1. Thanks Posh and nice name ! :)

  14. well done….i dont know who you are but u deserve a hearty handshake for this well woven piece. kudos and big up to u

  15. Thank you Brainy…. If you wan’t to know me, you can click on Featured Writer at the top of the page

  16. I have to comment on this! Very nice…you have a way with words that i envy…keep writing

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