The Dance

The Dance

‘Put your left foot out and pause for a second’ Taiwo said  to her fellow dancers ‘Then bend your hips and swing it up and down four times and fast. Your hands should be kept like you are playing a drum and there must always be a smile on your face’

They were practicing their new invention…the Independence Day dance and Taiwo was the chief inventor because, of the three girls, she was the only one that actually knew how to dance.

‘why are you taking this too serious Taiwo… nobody will notice if we make a wrong move… everybody is so excited that we’ll become independent today, the princess has arrived and I want to go and see.

It was Aisha complaining. She knew a lot about the independence process because her father was a Politian. Frankly she didn’t care. As long as Taiwo and Ijemba remained her best friends, she didn’t care what happened to the world.

‘Is it true we’ll have our own flag?’ Ijemba asked, still trying to master the steps Taiwo had just displayed

“Better… we’ll have our own National Anthem and pledge. Our fathers get to rule the nation. We get to call our own shots’ Aisha answered as she took a sit on the sandy ground.

‘Oh… that’s good I guess. But do our people know what to do? Did the white men teach our fathers how to rule?’ As Ijemba asked these questions her eyes widened at a horrible thought

‘Are they going to break up the parts of the country!’ she exclaimed

‘Will you relax’ Taiwo intercepted stopping her dance for the first time ‘All I know is there is a celebration that we are supposed to dance for, you girls should get up let’s practice’

Aisha got up and held Ijemba’s hands

‘They are not breaking up the country dear… instead we’ll be more united than ever because it’s not by force anymore. Besides they are making space for different tribes in the government… they’ll rule together in peace and we’ll be fine’

‘Yes’ Taiwo added ‘and there’ll have so many celebrations and we’ll dance in all of them’ She hugged Ijemba and Aisha at the same time making them fall on the floor. They all giggled

Sule, Aisha’s elder brother shouted at them from across the road that the ceremony had started and they all ran to see. They ran together, holding hands and telling jokes. Laughing. United. This day, 1st October 1960, would indeed be a blessed day, everybody thought.

The new Nigerian President began his speech

‘TODAY is Independence Day. The First of October 1960 is a date to which for two years every Nigerian has been eagerly looking forward. At last our great day has arrived, and Nigeria is now indeed an independent sovereign nation…’

Had they been able to look into the future, would the three girls have danced as hard as they did during their performance of the Independence Day Dance?

You tell me.


18 thoughts on “The Dance” by Gg (@gg87)

  1. Profile photo of Seun-Odukoya
    Seun-Odukoya (@Seun-Odukoya): Head Wordsmith - 104512 pts

    Me likeee…but feel/felt the ending is somewhat contrived and forced…as though you suddenly realised you were almost out of words…you feel???

    Not bad!

  2. Profile photo of Gg
    Gg (@gg87): Junior Writer - 1097 pts

    lol… wrote that by 11:30 on 24th so i was kinda in a hurry…
    and i did realize i was out of words so i had to summarize. will put up the full story after the competition

  3. Profile photo of inspire
    inspire (@inspire): Beginner - 618 pts

    Liked the idea although I felt you were doing a lot of telling and not showing. The girls were brilliant and they captured the innocence of youth ie the innocence of hope Nigerians had of a better tommorrow before Independence and the resulting social political upheval over the years

  4. Profile photo of 2cute4u
    2cute4u (@2cute4u): Junior Writer - 3741 pts

    I loved the theme.. The write used three friends from the three different ethnic groups. It was the main idea, yet subtle. I like.

  5. Profile photo of Lade
    Lade (@Lade-A): Scribe - 12852 pts

    No, they definitely wouldn’t have danced so hard. Poor them!

  6. Profile photo of estrella
    estrella (@estrella): Scribe - 16543 pts

    @Lade..got a good eye you do!..didn’t even notice the mix of three different cultural backgrounds in the girls
    @Gg..great attempt gal…would love to read the rest of it after the hustle and bustle of independence day is over!

  7. Profile photo of Gg
    Gg (@gg87): Junior Writer - 1097 pts

    lol… The three different ethnic backgrounds of the girls, the innocence and hope we (they…cus i want born then) had about the independence and the fact that we we should have learned to rule first before clamoring for independence are the major points of the story.
    but i wrote it in a hurry so…
    but i’ll definitely put it up in full after the contest.
    hope you all voted for me oh!

  8. Profile photo of Uche Okonkwo
    Uche Okonkwo (@Uche): Writer - 8609 pts

    I agree with Seun, the end does sound contrived. Good attempt, though. All the best.

  9. Profile photo of Emmanuella Nduonofit
    Emmanuella Nduonofit (@Emmanuella-Nduonofit): Head Wordsmith - 40221 pts

    You tried, @Gg. I commend your attempt, and I’m not thinking about the fact that this short piece is up for a competition, no. Like you said, you were trying to obey the rules, just that next time, when you write, never you ever think of the prize at all. I concur with those who said that the end is contrived, I wouldn’t have said it any better myself. You brought out an interesting issue here: a national celebration lacking true basis, true depth, true understanding of it based on the questions the character Ijemba asked: “But do our people know what to do? Did the white men teach our fathers how to rule?”. The three girls representing the three prominent tribes of Nigeria notwithstanding, what your flash story lacked was location and background. Where are these three ladies rehearsing for the big dance? Should I guess it’s in the Eagle Square in Abuja FCT?

    Well, I say again, the rules of the competition have to be obeyed and @Gg, you sure obeyed them. Well done! I pray this won’t be a short piece you wrote just for the competition. A re-look is necessary here, dear. :)

  10. Profile photo of RemiRoy
    RemiRoy (@RemiRoy): Writer - 8765 pts

    Not easy to squeeze into 500 words when you’re bursting with inspiration. I feel you. Nice work.

  11. Profile photo of treasured1
    treasured1 (@treasured1): Junior Writer - 4544 pts

    Nice one…All said and done…All the best….

  12. Profile photo of boomingsols
    boomingsols (@boomingsols): Newbie - 329 pts

    Nice one Gg!

  13. Profile photo of Marya Kudos
    Marya Kudos (@merrymae): Writer - 9258 pts

    @Gg, I loved the whole idea behind the story, and how it ended. I know with more time and effort you would have made it a great entry. Nevertheless, nice work.

  14. Profile photo of abby
    abby (@abby): Junior Writer - 3546 pts

    I didn’t notice the ethnicity of the girls but this is really nice Gg.
    Do take the comments ahead to heart.

  15. Profile photo of Gg
    Gg (@gg87): Junior Writer - 1097 pts

    thanks guys….. love love love your contributions… will definitly take note.

  16. Profile photo of Jaywriter
    Jaywriter (@jaywriter): Junior Writer - 1984 pts

    Good one. Quite symbolic too.

  17. Profile photo of lactoo
    lactoo (@louis): Writer - 9504 pts

    U don try

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