A Retrosexual’s Resume’

A Retrosexual’s Resume’

A manly-man

Old fashioned with rugged mane

I‘m your calmative police force

When libido riots in your pulse


A Portmanteau of mare and man

Trimmed & manicured, not me

But come to me for a cure

If you’re burdened with Cupid’s curse


Beer stench laced with fetid breath

Sorry, left today without a bath

But when the show begins

You wouldn’t mind my lack of cologne


Here’s my selling trademark

Total assurance of sweltering, I make

When your curse can’t be tamed

And your primal must be obliged


Hire me now, my dear

Your friends have closed a deal

My fee is fair

My stud is strong


Yours Sincerely,

Retrosexual (Esquire)

24 thoughts on “A Retrosexual’s Resume’” by chimmy chikezie (@chimmy2)

  1. lol…A retrosexual indeed!!! especially love this stanza..
    Beer stench laced with fetid breath

    Sorry, left today without a bath

    But when the show begins

    You wouldn’t mind my lack of cologne

    Well done Chimmy!

  2. ‘Retrosexual’… ‘Retrosexual’… I’m sorry, but at some point I came across that intriguing word, but I’ve forgotten what it means. Abeg, Chimmy, wetin e mean, biko?

  3. EManuella…GOOGLE THE DAMN THING!!!!

    CHIMMY…nice one. It reverbs.

    1. Biko, Seun, we no dey fite, abi? :) Ok, I take correction! I salute!

      1. Fight ke???

        You never see my wallpaper…abi?

  4. Thanks Mercy. Glad you liked it.

    @Emma – A Retrosexual is one of the 21th century words that defines a Man who spends as little time and money as possible on his appearance. Metrosexual(Antonym). Hope this helped

    1. Geez, Chimmy, I was about to do what Seun told me to when NEPA struck and I went offline for a short while. Yeah, I got that definition from Urban Dictionary online. Well, this means that from this poem, the persona is assuring his ‘client’ that he may appear unattractive at sight, but he’s great in bed. *Duh* Please, correct me if I’m wrong, o!

        1. Ok, it was the word ‘metrosexual’ I encountered at some point, not ‘retrosexual’. Geez, they both look alike in appearance, hence my assumption. Both are rare words in English. We learn everyday, don’t we, gals and guys? :)

          1. Indeed we do learn everyday

  5. Okay. Didn’t understand the poem at first, but reading through the comments has enlightened me. I’d actually assumed ‘retrosexual’ was a word made up by the writer. I’m coming across it for the first time.

    1. Its nice that you got it eventually – Its about a Retrosexual presenting his credentials (Resume’) for assessment & considerations…lol

  6. lovely poem you got here
    nice lines and cool rhymes too.
    well done.

    1. Thanks Paul. And coming from the Master himself, I dare say I’m flattered

      1. lolyou are welcome.
        enjoyed it.
        ,your writing is cool

  7. Now, why would i want to ‘try out’ such a slob? Lol.
    Nice one, Chimmy.

  8. Okayyy very well written didn’t understand it but with Emmanuella’s explanations,got an insight,yes oh,I echo Lade,the wife to be,lolz.

  9. @Lade & Gretel: ye art the employer and here’s a prospective applicant’s CV. You either hire or reject his application. Its really upto you…lol

  10. At first viewing, the poem is hard to understand, but getting to know the meaning of retro sexual helped.

    1. Agreed. Maybe I should have included the definition of retrosexual as part of the poem’s Heading or as P.S. Glad you understood it eventually.

  11. Hey Chimmy; your explanation of the poem in the comment log portrays the poem as having a ting of humor; although I couldn’t find same in the post itself. The sign-off in the poem gave it a letter feel and makes sense as a resume but that was all for me. I enjoyed and appreciated your comment-responses more than the post itself but then am old school. lol

    Well done still.

    1. Thanks. Maybe you should just read through again armed with your latest insight…lol

  12. this your ‘adevertisement’ na wah o!But you know, a lil personal hygiene and cologne will help the trade…..lol.I enjoyed reading, but the word primal in that stanza,methinks its out of place but maybe its just me.well done!!!

  13. LOL! Cool poetry, Chimmy

Leave a Reply