A Full And Frank Discussion

A Full And Frank Discussion

“I think it’s time we had a full and frank discussion.”

“What? You mean it?”

“Yes. For too long, we have been tiptoeing around or even completely ignoring the major issues that really need to be discussed. We have been calling a spade a manual geomorphological modification implement. We have not been direct and honest. The time has come to change that!”

“Amen, brother!”

“We should now grasp the nettle, hit the nail on the head and take the bull by the horns. We should strike while the iron is hot, because a rolling stone gathers no moss, and time and tide waits for no man!”

“Preach on! I say a big YES to open and honest discussion!

“I’m glad you see things the way I do.”

“I do indeed. So… which of the several major issues pending should we discuss?”

“Oh, anything at all. Absolutely anything. This is open season. Remember, in a full and frank discussion, there are no sacred cows.”

“What about discussing Topic X? That’s something that has been the source of a lot of concern for a while.”

“Did you say Topic X?”

“Yes. Topic X – that topic that we’ve been putting off for a while.”

“No.”

“What?”

“I mean, no – we can’t discuss Topic X.”

“Why not?”

“Because we just can’t. That kind of thing is not discussed in decent society.”

“But I thought you said that this was a full and frank discussion…”

“Yes – but even full and frank discussions have their limits. We definitely cannot discuss Topic X, and that’s the end of that matter!”

“Hmm…”

“But please feel free to suggest other topics.”

“How about Topic Y? That’s another crucially important topic.”

{Silence.}

“Well… what do you say to discussing Topic Y?”

“I’m trying to figure out whether you have taken complete leave of your senses, or whether you are trying to crack a very expensive joke.”

“No… I’m serious.”

“Are you INSANE?????”

“H-how?”

“How can you possibly think of even mentioning Topic Y?”

“B-but… f-full and frank…”

“Utter and unconfined nonsense! You are taking your interpretation of a full and frank discussion to a ridiculous extent. Please, do not ever mention Topic Y in my presence again!”

“OK o… why don’t you suggest what we talk about?”

“How about we talk about Topic Z?”

“Topic Z?”

“Yes, Topic Z. I think that’s a great topic for us to discuss.”

“Despite the fact that we’ve talked about Topic Z ten times in the last three months?”

“There are always new developments that call for more discussion.”

“Despite the fact that Topic Z is very low on the list of our priorities right now?”

“But it is still on our list. Look, what is the matter with you? Why are you ruling out topics like this? Are you afraid of a full and frank discussion?”

“No… you’re right. Let’s discuss Topic Z.”

“Thank you! Now as I have said twenty times in the past concerning Topic Z…”



22 thoughts on “A Full And Frank Discussion” by Tola Odejayi (@TolaO)

  1. lol oh. Full and frank indeed. lol, lolling, lolled, lolzed

  2. Lolzzzzzzzzz…..that’s all I can say.

  3. a full and frank discussion,lol

  4. Lmao! Tola, my very full and frank opinion is that there is simply no way to convey my thoughts about this piece fully and frankly.

    1. :D :D :D Lade, as Frank Edoho would say, is that your FINAL answer??? ‘Cos fully and frankly speaking, I fully and frankly agree with you … to an extent, though.

  5. had me a real good laugh.
    the topic caught my eye too.
    a real good one.

  6. I fully and frankly admit that we call a spade a manual geomorphological modification implement..ewo!! what a mouthful!..Well done TolaO..

  7. Ditto Mercy.

    @Tola: I like the way it went but I thought the ‘full and frank’ discussion would continue without them even discussing any topic at all. You know, that they would just keep on strining out huge phrases and keep talking about having a discussion without quite having any. Do you understand what I mean?

    1. @Abby, the idea of the discussion is not so much that the discussants are using big words without saying anything… it’s more the fact that the discussion is not quite as ‘full’ and as ‘frank’ as one of the discussants would like. However, that’s an idea for the future…

  8. Ha!I knew there was gonna be a crazy twist to this. Full and frank indeed. He should have said “let us have a selfish and narrow minded discussion!”

    Love this TolaO! :)

    1. Thanks, @RemiRoy. I have encountered so many of these kinds of ‘full and frank’ discussions before…

  9. i totally loved it, i started laughing when he said he couldnt discuss topic x, trully funny piece.

  10. @All, thanks – glad you liked it. I wish I could say it was entirely fiction, but I’m sure many of us have seen situations where people only *pretend* to engage in fruitful discussion, just like there are people who claim to have an ‘open door’ policy while remaining permanently inaccessible.

    At any rate, the next time you see someone starting up a ‘full and frank’ discussion, rather than grimacing, perhaps you’ll remember this and smile instead.

  11. this was very veeery stupid…
    But in a good way.
    Full ko, frank ni!

    1. “Full ko, frank ni!” That’s a good one, cikko907, a good reaction to that cobweb of a piece you’ve just read. But, eh, have you bothered to re-read and get something else?

      1. @Emmanuella, I don’t think there’s much to get on re-reading – it was always intended to be a straightforward conversation. But then, people can always come up with interpretations that the author never thought of.

        What I would be interested in is finding out what you mean when you say that you think it’s a “cobweb of a piece”.

  12. Frank discussion indeed!

  13. lol
    i will always remember this Tola cos i come across people like that daily.
    well done.

  14. @TolaO, your flash is very, very good. I understand you tagging this piece FUNNY, because most of us here, I inclusive, have a good laugh out of it. Here are two discussants discussing absolutely nothing at all. This piece, in my opinion, belongs to the theatre of the absurd. I imagine this piece being re-written for the stage, it would definitely be a crowd-puller indeed! As I read, I saw a Beckett kind of style in it, very much like the conversation between Vladimir and Estragon in WAITING FOR GODOT. Next time, place a distinct genre for this piece. Very good work, very! I’m impressed, really! :)

    1. And so I agree with that; yes, theatre of the absurd it is.

  15. Meena-Adekoya (@Olajumoke-Adekoya)

    I really found this funny and for some reason i thot of politics…and a certain Senator that uses big grammar to say simple things…very very nice work Tola…

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