I’m not sure where to begin because really, this has got to be the weirdest day I have had in a long ass while. Three weird incidents in rapid succession in only one day. My heart can’t take it.
ARMAGEDDON PART I
First off, it was getting rather frigid so I was burrowed under my warm covers, having just got out of my first class. I still had one more class to go but I was going to be darned if I stepped outside again! Anyway, ‘Layode called just as I was about to drift off to the land of the Sandman and my baby sounded quite subdued, unusual for her.
“Baby, ki lo de? I know it definitely can’t be as cold as it is over here!” I teased.
“Femi and I had a fight,” she said and promptly started crying. Okay, big deal, you might say. Boyfriend-girlfriend fight. Yeah, big deal.
Thing is…IT IS though, considering that it’s the normally sensible ‘Layode who’s always level-headed and realistic about these things. She’s not one for discussing her relationships with people. She finds it a gargantuan task even with me and I only get to be as privileged as I am because we have been best friends since we were born. Even then, I have to literally pry all the details out of her.
So I was shocked when she voluntarily admitted they had a fight because it meant the fight must have been a rather serious one. The crying, as well, just floored me because ‘Layode is not one for theatrics.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “What happened?”
Turns out Femi’s ex had slept over at his place here in Maryland two nights ago and he had not told her about it. She found out by accident from a mutual friend who thought she knew already. That, of course, is enough to drive any girl berserk, especially when you consider that this same ex has always been inclined to give ‘Layode problems.
Really, it’s ridiculous because this girl dated Femi in high school, which was like eons ago, so I don’t understand why she’s still hanging around, claiming to want to be just friends. ‘Layode and Femi have been dating since their freshman year so you’d think this ex would have gotten the picture by now – that she’s HISTORY.
I was righteously outraged. How the hell did she end up there?!
“She was in town for the weekend and he ran into her at the club.” ‘Layode told me. She had stopped crying now. “They hung out and when it was time to head out, she claimed her ride was too drunk to drive so she asked to go home with him, saying she would call a ride from his place. So he took her home with him but when they did get to his place, she claimed she was too tipsy and tired to call anyone so he apparently let her sleep on the couch.”
Oh Lawd. No, Femi was not that stupid.
“And he didn’t see fit to tell you this because…?”
“Thank you! That was my beef with the whole situation. I mean, screw the girl! We both know her game. I don’t even blame her for trying! Clearly, it’s my fault for having a boyfriend who’s too dumb not to see right through her but why, for the love of God, did he not tell me?! Imagine how stupid I felt when Yinka was like, ‘oh, yea, and Shalewa slept over at Femi’s, blah, blah,’ and I was like ‘Uh, hold up, Shalewa WHO?!”
“Hold on, now. So I called him after I spoke to Yinka. I didn’t even flip out on him at that point,” She continued. “I just asked if there was anything he had forgotten to tell me. He hemmed and hawed and then, he said there was nothing. So I kept the conversation going and then, I was like, ‘so how did Shalewa get home?’ Do you know this idiot was all like ‘oh, yea, I forgot to tell you about that.’ Seriously??”
“Lara, I flipped out then. I mean, what the hell is his ex doing sleeping over at his place like she has no home, and what the hell does he think he’s playing at not telling me about something like that?!”
“I can’t believe this!” I cried.
“It gets worse. This fool had the nerve to get mad at me, talking about how I was over-reacting and that he didn’t think it was that important enough to mention because it was not like he invited her over or whatever. Talking about he was just trying to look out for the girl and after all, she did sleep on the couch and this being the reason why he didn’t tell me in the first place, because he didn’t need all this drama.”
“I couldn’t believe it. You have your ex staying over and you expect your girlfriend to be all dandy with it when you didn’t even mention it in the first place!! I mean, I’m not trying to accuse him of anything, Lara, but for God’s sake, I know how girls are. I know that girl, in particular. Talking about she slept on the couch! I don’t give a shit if she slept on the floor!! I’m not comfortable with her being over, period! I mean, am I being melodramatic here?”
“Not even! People have been killed for less!” I exclaimed.
“God, I don’t know what Femi is on but that dope is wack! I tried to make him see my point but dude wasn’t having it. He just blew up at me, talking about how I was trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, blah, blah. And I said no, you don’t do things this way. I’m your girlfriend. If your ex can’t respect me, you as my boyfriend need to! I won’t have an ex of mine come sleep over for whatever reason and he knows it. I mean, if she hadn’t run into him at the club, would she have slept at the club?! He was now like he was tired of the discussion and I should call him when I come back to my senses, and he dropped.”
Damn. Femi had to be tripping. Big time. And I said so.
“Omo, it did me like film trick oh! I was there staring at my phone like HELL NO, dude did NOT just drop the phone on me! But he did, and he hasn’t called me back since then.”
“This is arrant nonsense. Even the most retarded idiot can plainly tell that he is in the wrong!” I told her.
“I am so…flabbergasted, really.”
We talked a little more and then she had to go because unlike me, she wasn’t skipping classes. She had to work.
But…she mentioned breaking it up with him and that stopped me cold because she sounded dead serious.
AMARGEDDON PART II
Michael called shortly after. He was supposed to be coming over but something with his mother came up so he had to drive down to see her. So he had called to let me know that he might be running more than just a little late or he might not make it at all.
I was cool. I had homework to do anyway and I told him that.
Then he goes, “alright, babe. I’ll call you when I’m on my way back. I love you.”
The end of the world, as we know it, is officially here. I mean, no, this man did not just tell me that he loved me over the phone no less. We are not in a relationship! we are not even dating! We just happen to be…well…. hooking up more-than-just-regularly. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I like Michael a lot. He’s a great guy, great company, great sense of humor, yada, yip, yap, yap but…we only just started hooking up mid-August!!!! Plus love?!! Crap, it’s about to get awkward here on out. Damn shame.
What did I say in reply?
“Okay, Michael, I’ll talk to you later.”
Really, you need to play deaf sometimes.
I am not going to expand much here because it just happened less than twenty minutes ago and I’m still trying to spin my head around it.
Paddy called and said he was outside my apartment. Turns out he was seeing a friend who happened to live in the same block so he called Dunni and asked her for my apartment number so he could surprise me.
He’s a weird one, this Paddy. I mean, clearly, it was like I had not made it clear enough that I did not like him nor did I care for his company.
Anyway, I let him in and believe it or not, he turned out to be terrific company! We just sat in my living room, eating pizza (that I had ordered earlier and was now forced to share, grrr!!!) talking about nothing in particular. Turns out we have the same wry sense of humor. I mean, he’s even so much worse than I am. Tiny would love him!
Well, anyway, pizza all gone, and I am about to lean over to get the remote from the other end of the sofa beside him but he moved at the same time and what do you know, but that…
A MOMENT OF SILENCE PLEASE.
I am still desperately trying to take this all in.
Yes, we bumped lips. Yes, yes, yes, we kissed. And it is with great shame and self-disgust that I admit that in all of my twenty plus years, it is the best kiss I have ever had. Somebody, shoot me now. Gosh.
We kissed for a couple of seconds before our brains began normal operations again and we jumped apart. The bloody smart-ass was the first one to recover out of the two of us.
“For a smoker, you don’t have bad breath.” He teased. The idiot!!!
“Whatever,” I stuck out my tongue at him.
THEN he said seriously, “You need to watch that, or I might end up kissing you again.”
WHOA! TIME OUT!
Luckily for the two of us, he decided to leave then but gosh, I feel so strange now!!! Like, did that really happen?! Paddy?! Fraternizing with the enemy. Ugh. ‘Layode and Tiny are going to die.
I blazed through three sticks. Damn smokers and damn bad breath.
Train comes I don’t know its destination
It’s a one-way ticket to a madman’s situation
Train comes I don’t know its destination
It’s a one-way ticket to a madman’s situation