(I wrote this last year for a friend who had given up on love because she had been hurt and it was affecting every relationship she had, even friendships)
You remember the first time you had that ‘butterflies in your tummy’ feeling? The one that turned into a full ‘butterflies winter flight to warmer regions’ (do butterflies do that?!) when he kissed you. And it escalated to ‘I cannot breathe because the butterflies just swarmed to my heart’ when he held you? You can never forget the giddy sensation of your times together. Nor the moment you discovered the difference between having sex and making love. What of the time you started planning for forever? And then he broke your heart!
The pain was like nothing you had ever felt before. Your heart was ripped apart. It was like the sun would never shine again. But because you are a survivor, you healed. Gradually, you learnt how to smile again. You once again looked up and saw the sun, felt its warmth on your body. Everything went back to normal. Except for one thing – Your Heart!
Somewhere along the dark, hard road to recovery, a fortress had been built round your heart. The emotional wound had left a visibly unseen scar that served as a constant reminder of the sharp thorns love bore.
So the next time a man smiles at you, the scar throbs a warning. When he declares his love, the fortress grows another inch higher. Even when you accept his offer, you never fully open up to him. The small window cracked open in the mighty wall has a well oiled latch waiting to snap close in an instant. You can no more hear the silent music of passion and even if you do, the dancing steps to it have long been forgotten.
Don’t you know every fairytale does not have to end with the Prince living happily ever after with his Princess? Sometimes, it’s enough to have him kiss you awake so you can live again. In the television series, ‘One Tree Hill’, Brooke told her friend, Peyton, “Every song has to end but you can dance to the music while it lasts’.
We all know the curtains are going to come down after the last act, but that doesn’t prevent us getting lost in the story. If you keep on waiting for the shoe to drop, you will miss a wonderful performance. Why not live in the moment? Don’t waste time thinking ‘how will it end? Will he last or not?’ Regret for things we do can be tempered by time but regret for the things we do not do can never be erased. Do not make a mistake you will look back on years later and wish you had another chance to make it right.
One of my favorite songs is by Ron Keating. The title is ‘If Tomorrow Never Comes’. In it, he talked about making use of every moment you have now. He said ‘Tell that someone…………………. what you are thinking of, if tomorrow never comes’.
While you are waiting and wondering about tomorrow, today is passing you by. That is One thousand, Four hundred and Forty minutes in each day that can never be regained. And what if you never do have that tomorrow you are so anxious about? Never let what you wish for interfere with what you have.
Give that relationship a chance. Let go of fear and live. Allow yourself to feel that heady passion again. There is no guarantee that you won’t be hurt again but no matter how many times you fall, always rise. Refuse to be defeated. There is so much joy in every relationship no matter how short a time it lasts or how long it endures. Grab at that joy and revel in it.
Next time the music starts playing, dance to it! Throw up your arms and let your feet move your body to the rhythm. You never know, that song might extend into an album and you get to dance for a long, long time. But if it doesn’t, long after the music has stopped, its tune will still carry in the winds, and the echoes of guitar strums will linger for a long time, whispering to the memory your soulful sway under starry skies.
And you just might have learnt some new dances!