All I wanted was another baby…

All I wanted was another baby…

I walked round the house after he left for work. I could still smell him; He has a most a most pleasant male scent. He smelt so good that sometimes it made me dizzy with desire. I loved waking up to that scent. I always knew he had been in a room because his scent pervaded the room long after he left it. It was his essence and it brought back memories, memories of happier times; memories of fun, laughter, sweet lovemaking, memories of a husband who loved me and could do absolutely anything for me. Memories are all I have now; I wish with all my heart I could turn back the hands of time.

It is almost impossible for me to shake off the look I saw on his face when I was revived in the hospital. Each time I recall that look, a heavy weight settles in my heart and the bitter taste of pain lingers in my mouth.  It was not a look of anger, but of deep despair, my handsome husband looked like I had betrayed him. Anger would have been easier to handle, but the sadness in his eyes was more than I could bear. I felt like I had stabbed our love to death. What was I thinking? How did I think I was going to pull it off? I just assumed that he would come around once he knew; I thought it was not a big deal. How wrong I was, the look on his face said it all, I had hurt the man I loved with all my heart beyond redemption.

“Oh God! Please no! Let it not be beyond redemption”

I have dreaded to say that phrase, but now that it is out, it rings true.

My mind travelled back to the conversation we had on the beach some months after he presented me with the most beautiful engagement ring. We saw a couple walking down the beach with a cute toddler in tow. They cut a perfect picture, the type I dreamt I and Lade will make. On the spur of the moment I told Lade I couldn’t wait to make lovely babies with him. The speed with which his

“Only two lovely babies, honey” came out should have alerted me to how sensitive the subject was for him but in typical Bunmi fashion (worked on my parents everytime) I was sure I could convince him to change his mind.

“But I want a house full of children” I whined to a very distraught Lade

“Babe, I have tried to explain to you several times, two kids are all I desire, two children I can lavish all my love, care and attention on”

“Baby! They will both be lonely, can’t we have three at least, if not the four that I desire, after all I am the one carrying the pregnancy”, I said with a pout

Lade didn’t even budge, I had never lost an argument to my soft-spoken fiancé before now, but surprisingly he insisted on us having only two kids. I backed down but didn’t give in; I just concluded that when we got married it would sort itself out.

Lade had told me several times about growing up in a house full of kids, he is the second child in a family of six. He always had this look on his face that I could never decipher whenever he talked about growing up, a cross between pride, shame and pain. He worked his way through school and continued to see his siblings through school too, although he never spoke ill of his parents, I was very sure they took a lot of poor decisions that made their kids suffer. I never could understand his tireless outlook to life. He is never one to be caught idle, no wonder he became a huge success. When I met him, I was a self absorbed, spoilt kid. Being an only child, my parents doted on me terribly; I lived a very sheltered and pampered life, a life very different from his.

I met Lade at a gym I used to frequent. One day I noticed a handsome guy walking in my direction but he walked past me like I wasn’t even standing there, being an avid attention seeker; this hurt almost physically and also attracted me to him fiercely. I decided to find out his schedule from the gym instructors; thus began my shameless quest for his attention. My chance came sooner than I thought, but in the most embarrassing circumstance imaginable. There I was doing my thing on the treadmill, when he walked in, in a bid to get noticed I increased the speed, missed a step and landed on my rear. As I struggled to rise, a pair of strong arms appeared to assist me, I looked up to see Lade’s worried face peering down at me and short of crying at my embarrassment in front of the one guy I fancied, I busted into laughter and he joined in. That was how we became friends.

Lade saved me from myself, many times his was the voice of reason. He did not write me off as spoilt, he would not let me get away with petty behaviour, even my parents noticed the improvements, and needless to say they loved him to bits. Best of all he loved me like I didn’t know I could be loved; he always left me better than he met me. I tell him he brings out my best; he tells me I show him his best.

Trust was a given in our relationship, but all I wanted was a third child, after our second lovely, perfectly formed daughter turned two, I couldn’t get the thought of another child out of my head, watching Lade with the kids didn’t help matters, he was so good with them. I had been on the pill since I put to bed, Lade wanted an outright sterilization, I vehemently disagreed and told him if he insisted he should go and get one done on him.

I noticed babies everywhere I turned, the supermarket, the salon, the club even in church. Cute babies were everywhere around me, I had forgotten about my excruciating four hours of labour with Temi’s pregnancy I just wanted a soft cuddly baby to love, I had enough love for a house full of babies. Lade could not understand my obsession; yes obsession was what he called it. I couldn’t understand his stubborn resolve to have only two kids, we could afford to have ten if we chose to, but my darling Lade only wanted two. Rather than hang up my baby craving gloves they became glued to my skin.

I didn’t plan to stop taking my birth control pills, it just happened one night and suddenly it felt like a good idea, I skipped it for a couple more weeks and that was when it happened. I was elated and anxious at the same time. I couldn’t share my news with Lade and it was pretty difficult for me because I told him everything, I couldn’t tell my mum because I knew what she would say. My secret was mine solely and with the passing days it bore down on me heavily. I had to lie or explain off my frequent exhaustion. Thankfully this pregnancy skipped the nausea phase so I kept up with my lies for much longer than I expected until that fateful day.

I had been out shopping, and even with my umbrella the sun was mercilessly scorching.  I was quickly dehydrated and very dizzy, but I still managed to get myself and my shopping home before my collapse act. Lade  usually played tennis on Saturdays, so I didn’t expect him to be at home when I got in, but he was and witnessed it all.

My husband hardly talks to me now, I am so alone with the baby I craved for, thankfully my love for my unborn baby is still very potent, takes my breath away sometimes. I can never blame him for the strife at home, and yes I want a boy, I have not done a scan, but I am so sure he will be a kind and loving boy like his father.  I will be due in three weeks, and welcome my handsome son into the world. I hope when Lade sees how much he looks like him, he will forgive me because I have tried everything else. I have wept, kept silent, written love notes and even brought in the parents to appease my Lade. He says he has forgiven me, but I miss him, I miss his laughter, his trust, his smile meant for me alone and his touch, I miss the man I married. Somebody tell me how to get my husband back.

29 thoughts on “All I wanted was another baby…” by Mercy Ilevbare (@efearue)

  1. Awww, how sweet and sad. I guess we never understand why peeps have certain cravings. I woulda tot two cute kids were good enough too.
    I think Lade will come around, especially if it’s ‘mama na boy!’ Lol

    Good work Mercy, Loved the gym bit! :)

  2. Meena-Adekoya (@Olajumoke-Adekoya)

    awwww…the only way she can probably get him back is when she gives bith to the boy…if its a boy
    wonderful story, felt her innate pain…

  3. Lovely story Mercy, and ditto the previous comments.

  4. sad story, don’t like these type of stories very much

  5. Thanks Remiroy, Meena and Abby..
    Sorry about that

  6. Awwww….so sad…probably being an only child fueled her desire to have a house filled with the pitter patter of a tiny feet!It would have helped if she bugged him a bit for the reason why he was resolved about having two kids,she would have respected his choice more…love the gym part too…does that kind of stuff happen in real life? I would love to have that happen to moi!hehehe

  7. You are right Estrella, maybe If she had bugged him a bit more, he just might have come around…As for the gym bit…you may just be the lucky chick it will happen to,and when it does, please share…(wink, wink)…Thanks

  8. Just the way I like a story…simple narrative with quite good attention to detail…minus the sadness that pervaded the end parts.Good work Mercy.

  9. He will come around. I know coz he’s my namesake. We can be muleheaded but we are not ‘malice-keepers’ (for lack of a better word)
    By the way, why are you all saying she has to have a boy to appease him? A girl child no be child? I’m surprised that its even the ladies talking like this.

  10. @ Lawal, thanks very plenty
    @ Lade, no be so o!, the Ladies were only rooting for her…lol

  11. 2cute4u (@2cute4u)

    A moving tale.. I absolutely loved it..

  12. Awww very nice story why on earth would a man want only two children,I love kids so much(not like Jaywriter though)that I would love a factory of them,whether girls or boys,anyways different stroke for different folks
    Nice work gurl

    1. Not like Jaywriter ke?…lol..Thanks Gretel

  13. I enjoyed reading your story. I feel that the lady in the story got carried away with the percieved perfection in her marriage that she felt Lade should give her anything she wants even if it means another child. She was obviously wrong to have decieved him but I think if his love for her is strong enough he will still stay, however on the other hand he might feel so betrayed by her that he wont know how to trust her again. Nice read

    1. You felt Jane

  14. Mercy I love that you just ‘presented’ and left your readers to ponder and/or take sides. The size of a family is something that should be agreed on by the couple. I think if it was an ‘accident’, lade would have felt less betrayed. Unfortunately, now she has what she wants, she no longer has what she needs- the love and support of her spouse.

    I like the way you set up their characters- Lade as quiet and serious, the wife as flirtatious and spoiled. Their gym meeting was cute too. Well done!

    1. Thanks Ce Ug, I didn’t know I did all… I totally agree with you that the size of a family should be discussed and agreed by the couple, as trivial as it may seem, it can lead to problems in the home…

  15. This is a very interesting and captivating story Mercy,kinda sad though.
    well done.

  16. Thanks Anderson..I promise to take a break from sad

  17. Thanks Anderson..I promise to take a break from writing sad stories, will only do happy ones from now on(I wish!)

    1. So we can as well translate that to mean, “not any time soon” lol

  18. Oh ye of little faith!! One happy story coming up as soon as I can find the way to my ‘happy place’…lol

  19. Men in general can be so mule headed bout stuff like his but d moment d child is born, they will start bragging all ova town! Good work.

  20. Mercy, please have mercy. I share Lade’s hurt and perspective. He is like me only that My folks have only two kids and I want to maintain that legacy cos they gave us love through good and bad times. Well, de wifey had better get her acts right: no more babies. Lade may come round; I know I will not.
    Thanks for a cleanly written yarn.

  21. Lade will probably come around after the baby is born. But she should have tried to find out why he was so insistent on two children, instead of deceiving him.

    Trust is a hard thing to gain.

    This story is simple and beautifully told. Well done, Mercy.

  22. this happens like everyday in real life i tell you, sad

  23. I liked your story. But wifey is really spoilt. Anyway, I still wish I had her guts ‘cos I love children also. But I no get strength!

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