why so serious?

why so serious?

(an idea in my head for a short detective story coming soon, an amateur so please be gentle :D)

With a gun held to his head

he took steady breaths not to show fear

he knows that today might be his last

“hello daddy O miss me”

who is that? he thought

that voice!

I saw the look on his face

priceless!

“so you have  but a moment to figure out why am doing this to you

and also find a way to keep your stupid brain from actually accepting the truth”

I have basically come to haunt you

lets see

I take your department heads

gave them deals of a lifetime

at the expense of each of their colleagues’ life

its so amazing what people can do for money” I said with a smile

“then after the bloodbath you enter so predictably

detecto

optimus primo

the super hero

with your ever so serious attitude

you came guns blazing to stop the bloodshed

and hell, everyone still died

failure!

yup!

You have to realize that some men want to rule the world

you see

men like me

we just want to see the world burn

starting with your world”

thump! thump!

The two stooges i hired fell

oh hell no!

a slight pain in my chest

damn

he has done it again!

“hey i knew this would happen.

i guess you learnt from me too

you said you hated violence

you wanted to keep justice

bunch of bull

anarchy is the best way forward

peace makes the mind dull

i want volcanoes erupting in the town centres

i want children over their bullies with a double barrel shotgun

I want the world to turn inside out with the sky burning red

most importantly Ed

I wanna see you pay for setting everything I set wrong right

but you lose

Ed

This time you get to save no one

not even me”

“What is wrong with you

cat cut your tongue hmm Ed

smile! you have gotten me.”

With a smile on my face

i said to him

“now you know pain, but tell me

Is your pain truly greater than mine?

heh

what’s wrong with me

getting so philosophical

why so serious?”

he said nothing

with that serious look on his face

as my eyes shut.



11 thoughts on “why so serious?” by aderemi Oluwaseyi (@valentinoseyi)

  1. i think its okay.will wait for the story to reveal more.

  2. I’m with Paul, will wait to read some more. Nice try so far though

  3. ok. reads like a poem tho.

  4. I didn’t get it at all. Had the feel of trying to read a language i can’t speak and do not understand and almost made me feel illiterate. lol That said; your very first line bought you my niceness. I’m with the others; will wait to read more.

  5. @remiroy my strong points are in poems basically story writing is a new frontier for me but am taking my steps one at a time

  6. Meena-Adekoya (@Olajumoke-Adekoya)

    This feels more like a poem than a story, maybe you should feel it up, you know give it more body, explain things, narrate or describe, that is really the way to tell a story…it not only helps the reader understand but it saves u loads of trouble explaining…lol..its a good attempt never the less…i really would like to see the sequel…

  7. Hmm…this is one action packed or suspense packed piece of poetry.
    I got the ‘Sin City’ feel reading this; the imagery…the intrigue, the deadliness in the words and confrontation…

    You’ve got strong lines that could be read in-between to say a lot more

  8. Geez…It read like a scene from an action movie..lol. You got the action bit smack down, but like some other people have pointed out, the format is rather poetry like..

  9. Okay.. Fair enough..

  10. probably shuldnt say more buy it was like potry, maybe even a trailer…lol

  11. I tried hard, but I didn’t get it. Sorry.

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