Torn

Torn

She glanced at the clock for the umpteenth time. It was unlike James. At most, he was 30mins late but it was getting to an hour, well she would spare him another 30mins and if he still doesn’t show up then he can kiss the outing goodbye. Although it would break her heart to have to cancel the trip after looking forward to it like forever. (She had even skipped lectures). Actually he had just agreed to take her horse riding just last week not that she could even ride. Who gives a hoot anyway? She only wanted to take a few shots on the horse and have a lovely time with her barely one-month old boyfriend.

“Aaargghh!” her patience was slipping out. To think that she even took the pains of making herself look lovely. Breathtaking beautiful was more like it. She picked up the hand fan beside her (thanks to NEPA, her standing fan was rendered useless) and was about to use it when she heard a knock on the door.

“About time” she said under her breath “Come in! the door is open”. She picked up the half broken mirror & started reapplying her makeup.

“Uhm nice perfume” she took a deep breath of it without looking up even though the perfume was intoxicating.

“Hello, Evelyn”

Ooops! Wrong voice. She glanced up sharply upsetting the mirror then set it gently on the floor by the bed.

“O…Hi Tosin… wasn’t expecting to see you”

“Enough with the pleasantries” he scanned the one room apartment while she did the same. He has added a few pound and gotten a new haircut. Cool.

“I see you have given your room a complete makeover” he pointed to the sound system that she had gotten just last week courtesy of James.

“Am sure you know why I’m here”

She rolled her eyes while saying a silent prayer that James should hurry it up before she is being subjected to a boring conversation.

“Evelyn, I love you and I would do anything for you” he sat beside her on the bed which made her to get up “please give me another chance to prove my love for you. Whatever you want, I would give you, wherever you want to go, I’ll take you there even if it is outside my power, I’ll try and make it possible. Please come back to me and I promise…”

“Enough” she stared him straight in the eye which had been difficult for her to do even while they had been dating “We’ve been through this before, lets not go down this road again. Besides am on my way out”

“No Evelyn. No! No! No!” he stood up “You are going to listen to me and you are going to love me like you’ve always done cos I love you and I want you back cos you are my heart, my soul, my…”

“Please”

“my everything. I cant do without you Evelyn I just …”

“Stop it” Silence. Oh God! Where is James. “I’ve never loved you. All those times we were dating I tried to love you but I couldn’t”

“How dare you say that to me?” he walked slowly towards her which made her to take a couple of steps backward till her back kissed the wall “You’re going to love me”

“No I wont, I cant” her voice was shaking with fear, he was just inches away from her. “I couldn’t then why do u believe I can now, Tosin, I like you but love is throwing myself off the cliff”.

The slap tore through her whole body and left her stunned for just a moment. More came in quick succession thereby hindering her reaction. She found herself on the floor and felt the top she was wearing give way. Her throat was hurting but she kept on screaming, screaming for someone to help her, to save her, to stop this pain and most especially to stop this beast from murdering her.

He saw the half broken mirror and picked it up. There was a vicious smile on his face.

“I love you Evelyn no one can deny that fact” he showed her the mirror

“Yes, I love you too” she had not known fear

“No you don’t” with that he tore at her fleshy legs two straight marks that added even more beauty to it.

“I love you. Please.” She was practically screaming “please please don’t do this to me. I love you, I lov… aargh” she screamed in pain as he tore at her stomach, her back, her hands, her thighs. He held her wrist and was about to slit it but decided against it. He got up and walked to her table where she kept her books and with one quick movement sent all of it flying in different direction. He did the same to her cosmetic table.

He dragged her up by her fake hair but let her drop instantly as a shadow filled the doorway. A strange looking fellow who had little flesh on his body came in. He reeked of money. He could hear Evelyn sign of relief. Must be her guy he thought. The two had a staring contest until the ‘guy’ noticed Evelyn and quickly ran to her side.

“She’s all yours until I return. Note that.” He let out a loud laugh and almost removed the curtain on his way out.



11 thoughts on “Torn” by angeleyes (@angeleyes)

  1. Hmmmn!
    Should we expect more? I really want more.

  2. Meena-Adekoya (@Olajumoke-Adekoya)

    *smh…crase person, it was very engaging, is there a second part? i hope there is oh…

  3. thanks lade and meena i appreciate, there wouldnt be a second part but u can give it whatever conclusion you feel like.

  4. this one nah serious mad man o!
    but why couldn’t james atleast defend her small even if e no get power?!

  5. It was an engaging read, no doubt. Its hard not to wonder at what could have turned Tosin vicious. Apparently, he wasn’t that way when they dated. I’m also surprised that James(?) or whoever walked in allowed him walk away after seeing what he had done. Well done Angeleyes.

    However, do walk on your sentence construction. You wrote like a lot of people speak, wrongly. Sentences such as, “…which made her to” were repeated and took away aesthetically from your story. Consistency with the tenses would be nice too.

    All-in-all; great effort.

  6. @beautiful, because of the size, he was lanky while the other was huge.
    @abby, thanks for the correction, ill work on that

  7. The sentence that caught me just a bit was: “Her back kissed the wall.” I believe with more statements like that, you could actually turn out to be a good storywriter. I agree with abby, anyway. In the issue of consistency with tenses, well, if the writer allowed the main character to narrate the story, there would be inconsistency, deliberate inconsistency, with the tenses, depending on the kind of person the main character is. I simply saw a man on a mission, and I felt a conniving agreement between James and Tosin, some kind of set-up. Somehow, it appears that Evelyn is a ‘popular’ girl and needs to be taught a ‘lesson’. Re-look this story a bit, for it can be presented better than this. Good work though!

  8. I want to believe this story hasn’t ended yet. Still the ending seemed a bit awkwardly constructed. It could have been more dramatic enough; you could have created a stronger cliffhanger there that would make people thirst badly for more…that is if it has a second part which I hope it does. Because if it doesnt, then the story doesnt seem to be going anywhere…

  9. Mazi Nwonwu (@Fredrick-chiagozie-Nwonwu)

    Good effort. Others have already said the itchy points. I like the story though. Keep writing.

  10. Psycho ex boyfriend, it’s useless to think he could get away with that, dont think he could sha, if i was that girls boyfriend i’ll order him to be beaten up.

  11. To say it is engaging is an understatement. I cant wait for the 2nd part. Poetic justice is what i look out for.

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