Lonely Heart

Lonely Heart

Titilayo splashed an egg on herself. She then went to the bathroom and recited the incantation the babalawo had given her to repeat, whilst the egg dried on her naked body. She didn’t speak to anyone that day. If the magic was to work, she must keep quiet and only speak to her ancestors.

Titilayo wanted to be rich. She wanted to show her ex-boyfriend who had insulted her of ‘poor woman’ that she was above him. She would make that oloshi pay for his word against her. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was nearly thirty-three and she still had what it took. Her body was firm and round at the same time. All she needed was wealth. A husband would come after.

Titi worked as a lawyer. She earned good money. She didn’t need to live in a council flat and could easily afford to buy a property but she had decided that wealth was more important than her comfort. She spent most of her wages on babalawos who predicted that one day she would become a rich woman. She had done all sort of rituals in the past. Some had been powerful. She never knew how she managed to become a lawyer. She first got a job as secretary in a law firm and the company sponsored her to study a BA in criminal law. The company then employed her as a trainee lawyer. Her salary were excellent from the start. She kept being promoted.

Titi missed home. Ile du gan. Her twin sister, Abeke was already married and had children. If Titilayo was to get married too, she would have a husband to look after her but she wanted to be an independent woman. Ilu eyinbo had taught her that. It taught her that she could be her own woman and that she didn’t have to answer to any man. She could be strong on her own too. Nobody needed to tell her what to do. All those new learnt thoughts were one of the reasons Titilayo remained single for six years though she wouldn’t admit it. To her, as an independent woman, she searched for success first.

She had a casual relationship with Abayo, a security guard. Ko foye. Neither did he have money. He was always broke and asked Titi for money. Abayo seemed to always be broke since she met him. He earned £18K/ year. After tax, there wasn’t much money remaining. He could be slow too. His speech was left to be desired. He still had a strong Yoruba accent and that beer belly of his didn’t do much to her either. She was ashamed of introducing him to her friends. Abayo wouldn’t know how to conduct himself in society. He acted as if he had come straight from the village, eating amala with obe la everyday. How could a man be so unsophisticated? She wondered. He wore the same clothes every time she saw him. She couldn’t help but look down on him.

For her birthday, he bought her some flowers. That was stingy! How could she even begin to think of introducing him to her friends when they all got husbands that gave them diamonds for special occasions. She had admitted that she hadn’t picked the best man to have sex with. She planned on ending the relationship. Her eyes were now on that brother from church, he was good-looking but not as educated as she. He had a degree and worked as an accountant earning a small salary.

Talking of church, she felt singled out whenever the pastor talked of fornication, He seemed to be passionate about that subject more than any other. His voice always seemed to rise when the word ‘fornication’ came out of his mouth. He was a big African man who was surely not fooling anyone when it came to fornication as she had seen how he lured at her from his pulpit with disgust sometimes but mostly with lust. When he looked at Titi with disgust, he always seemed to accidentally come out with the word ‘Jezebel’. Titi knew that he wished he could have her just even for one night stand especially when his wife was as fat as he was. The pastor singled her out too by talking of single women with career but no man. He seemed to be a bitter old man. Anyway, she had heard that he slept with some female members from church by wanting to chase the demon out of them.

He often said that Satan operated in many ways. He operated by bringing men and women apart thereafter bringing out the prostitute in them. He operated by making black women too independent from men and making them feel superior to men. He operated by making black women more employable than black man. He operated by African women talking back to their husband. And the pastor’s rants went on and on. Poor old soul! Everyone knew that his wife was a PA in the city whilst he was only a bus driver.

Titi’s friends were mainly from church. Sabina was getting married the week after. When would it be Titi’s turn. She needed a man too. She loved money more though. She had done some juju to get Sabina’s fiancé’s but it didn’t work. The bablawo had instructed her to discreetly get a single hair from the man and to rub it in one of her dirty pant with the love magic potion. It had been difficult for Titi to get the hair but the rest of the process was sweet. She only had to think of the man lovingly whilst she rubbed the magic potion in her dirty patta. The witch doctor had promised Titi that she would get the man after 4 weeks but she waited more than 7 months to give up on the man.

Harmonie Loko (Sade farotade) Copyright 2010.



14 thoughts on “Lonely Heart” by sadefarotade (@sadefarotade)

  1. Lol. She’ll wait for a loooong time.
    I think the word you want is ‘leered’ not ‘lured’ in the sentence – ‘she had seen how he lured at her’

  2. Okay, I did enjoy this, but first is she still in the UK or back in Nigeria? And If still in the UK, so they have babalawos there too? This feels like a story that should come in different parts, because for me it read like Three stories in one (Her quest for money, Her Church story, and her boyfriend snatching story)…But like I said earlier, it was fun to read.

    1. I’m guessing bablawos will go anywhere so long as a market for them exists, they might just be more sophisticated. The three stories you mentioned sort of ties in with the title, i think. It helps us know her real reasons for spinterhood, despite her antics. At least it works that way for me.

      1. Thanks Abby for your reply, guess it makes sense seeing it your way..

  3. Nice one…i enjoyed this too….I particularly love the issue you touch upon. The Pastor guy..haha..very familiar.

  4. Meena-Adekoya (@Olajumoke-Adekoya)

    although this is a nice story, i still think the Yoruba should be in italics so that those who dont read or speak it will know its a foreign word, also there are so many typos and miss-spells…its a good piece otherwise

  5. @Sade, I should tell you that I really enjoyed your piece. This is a huge improvement- in terms of paragraphing, sentence construction, typos and punctuations amongst others. Its really impressive and you deserve commendation. The goal’s to improve one another. There’s still a lot of ground to cover but I know you’ll get there sooner than expected.

    Pay attention to Meena’s comment; its really important.
    Well done again, I did enjoy this piece.

  6. Found the subject matter entertaining. Babalawo who has a track record of being a failure says you shouldn’t speak for a day and you don’t? The girl’s a loon! Good job!

  7. Funny story. In fact I like the begining and the harsh description of Titi and her greedy passion for wealth and patronage of Babalawos. It got me chuckling.

    However, I don’t think the way you used certain yoruba words within the story is not necessary for the way you told this story. They all read like a detachment from the story:

    ‘She had a casual relationship with Abayo, a security guard. Ko foye.’

    ‘Abayo wouldn’t know how to conduct himself in society. He acted as if he had come straight from the village, eating amala with obe la everyday.’

    The story would still read beautifully if these yoruba words were in english. I feel if you are going to use them, you need to use them richly in a relevant way. Channel more of your humor to your description. you’re good at that.

    Secondly, Titi’s relationship with Abayo looked unrealistic to me. An upwardly mobile lady would never go for a man that she loathes unless there’s something she’s getting. Yet this dude is poor and can’t offer her anything. And don’t forget, she had an ex as you stated in the begining who called her a ‘poor woman’. So why would she debase herself by dating a poor gateman?

    You’ve got a good story here but I think you need to tie these loose ends together properly and remove the chinks in the beauty of this story.

  8. Very good and funny story.
    you seemed to be in a rush to wrap up the story though and didnt do much justice to it.
    also looks like there’s supposed to be a part two.

  9. its sad how we all want something we dont need, for her it was wealth and she wasnt even poor.

  10. Is this really the normal way an average learned Yoruba lady’d think. Very good read and quite funny too.

  11. hehehehehehehehe,really this is funny,funny pastor,funny lady,funny baba,funny….

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