I heard of Him few years ago while He healed people at the Galilee. He was to learn carpentry but he started walking with multitude waxing miracles. On a fateful night that I toiled to make a bumper fish harvest, I saw him on the ship speaking to people. After a night of labour, we caught nothing.
With bliss hovering around Him, I knew he can unravel the mystery that made fish elusive in the river. I approached him with my fishing colleagues. He called up fishes from the deep plains of the sea. Fear gripped my heart as the rivers purged multitude of fishes. The nets creaked at the weight of a thousand fishes.
He recruited me telling me to start catching men. Men! Who ways are more slippery than fishes. He spoke these simple words laden with power. I left my trade, fishing nets, my colleagues and breezy winds to walk with him. In fact, I ceased to live as I breathed life through his nostrils. Either I acted out of folly or I was destined to bear the pillar of his mission, I never knew. That I forsook the splendid sight of the seas was a miracle.
At times I don’t understand him. He was holy yet he ate with sinners. When other disciples kept quiet, I was digging into His endless pit of knowledge. I was marvelled with the awesome intelligence as He answered the Pharisees –the well read masters of the Law. He confided in me sending me errands such as Passover night. Whenever He spoke, it was parables hidden beyond intuition. He was always telling us his end from the beginning. How He would die and wake up three days later was too good to be true.
At times I wonder who he was because he talked of God as his father? Many said He is a prophet, teacher, Messiah or maybe reincarnation of Elijah? He once asked us and out of an inspired thought, I declared Him the Son of the Living God. He took me everywhere even to the unforgettable transfiguration experience with few colleagues. When He walked on water, I did likewise . I craved more to be Him. When He washed the feet of other disciples, I wanted Him to wash my hands also.
After Judas destined for doom got greedy, He told me the devil wants to buy me over but in his mercy, He had prayed for me. I saw how much he loved me. At the pangs of death and shame, I denied him thrice.
Did I love him? I deserted Him at His hour of need. Life looked too precious to be lost on shameful cross.
“He that findeth his life shall lose it, and he that loseth his life for my sake shall lose it” He once told me. I kept a distance as he was beaten and battered at Pilate’s amphitheatre.
What will be my own fate? I once asked now that I left all what will be my fate? He told me to deny myself first. I purged myself from the cravings of the world for three years. Now , he appears and disappears. The flock committed to my care are now scattered in provinces.
I should have been in a solemn state waiting for him to be successor to his ministry. As days went by, things I forsook became pleasing . I forgot that I was the rock he would build his church upon. He committed the shepherd of clueless lambs who sought direction. He only disappeared for few days probably groaning on the mount for me. The sight of waters with the spread of the nets became magnetic. I called up the rest for fishing.
Then He appeared , I was told He stood by the shores while I was naked. I quickly hid my nudity like Adam and Eve. I forgot He saw the guts of the fishes with the golden coin. I still caught nothing. I forgot without me following His purpose for my life, my struggles are in vain. Then He reminded me that I once forsook all – the dazzling pieces of this world- for his sake. He asked me what when wrong with my wearied state. He told me grow up. I was still the rock the foundation of the saints will mount.
Then after a short dinner with my Lord, He said to me for the third time “Simon son of Jonas, lovest Me more than these”
When He repeated this for third time, my mind went weary . AndI saidunto him,“Lord,thouknowestall things;thouknowestthatI lovethee ”
Hesaithunto me “Feedmysheep”
This was the first altar call as I rededicated my life to Him. I forsook all once again as I gathered courage to do His will.