Dissed

Dissed

It was so cliché that she found herself almost sighing in exasperation even as it happened. Their eyes met across the room and she was overcome with the sensation that she had been cast into a vortex of history and future all merging together, starting the instant he smiled at her. There was a smaller man standing beside him but she hardly noticed him at all. She felt gauche all of a sudden and she was almost amazed at the struggle she went through to squelch the insane urge she had to run into the lady’s as he made a beeline in her direction.

Then he was in front of her; his elegant fingers wrapped around the glass of wine like the tendrils of ugu leaves draping over sticks. She swallowed hard and hoped he hadn’t heard or at least seen her exposed neck in her off shouldered dress bob up and down with the movement.

He smiled, lips curving upwards; nubile mouth that had her thinking things she never knew she was capable of thinking…

And those eyes! She had a hard time focusing on anything else after she stared into them. They were like a cesspool of secrets that beckoned her to take a look into them forever.

‘Hello’…he said and she nearly lost it. His voice was like warm honey drizzling over her skin. She wanted to do him right there and she knew that he knew. The way he was looking down at her confirmed that.

“You look adorable”, he vibed. She saw him leaning forward and as if her body was being pulled by invisible strings, she found herself leaning towards him as well, barely breathing as she watched his mouth lower down. She all but wept he turned his face aside and sniffed at her neck perceptibly.

“You smell divine too’ he whispered.

She shuddered as she felt his breath whoosh past her skin.

‘Who designed your dress?

She struggled to remember. Her head felt like someone had removed her brain and stuffed her skull with cotton wool.

‘Rizar’, she croaked. He was the newest sensation in the design world and she loved the way he made women’s dresses as if he knew exactly what they wanted to show and leave hidden. The young designer was being hailed as the Versace of the 21st century.

Suddenly he turned and beckoned the man who had been standing with him at the other end of the room.  The man practically sashayed towards them, his white suit as tight as it could possibly be. He looked like a scarecrow dressed up by the wrong fairy godmother.

‘Girlfriend, where did you get that dress’? He all but gushed snapping his fingers.Pa! Pa! Pa! Right in her face.

She recoiled seconds before the snapping fingers would have poked her eyes out and looked up befuddled at the man by her side. He was watching his partner with what was almost paternal affection except the look in his eyes was anything but paternal.

‘Don’t bother the lady TK. I just called you over to let you know I was right. It was Rizar who designed the dress.

‘Give’, he commanded, his palm stretched out toward T.k.

T.k smiled coyly and dug into his pocket bringing out a crumbled hundred dollar bill.

‘You see, he said, turning to her and acting as if he didn’t see the confusion in her eyes, ‘as soon as you walked in I told T.k here, there’s one of Rizar’s creations. He didn’t believe me of course and made a bet that it wasn’t. ‘I’m Dan by the way

She could only stare at them as they smiled smugly at each other.



25 thoughts on “Dissed” by estrella (@estrella)

  1. All that for a dress.
    i was expecting a love story but its beauty is that my expectations weren’t met.
    nice one.

  2. Lol. Dress over babe! Would i be flattered or insulted? Both, i think.
    Nice one

  3. Estrella, like Paul, I thought the story was a set up for a romance. I don’t know why, but I felt the ending was… somehow lacking. It just felt strange to end the story at that point.

    But a good effort, anyway.

  4. well, i agree with Paul. the story did a good job of surprising me. i never expected the twist.

    i love your expressions tho. they stand out.
    ‘He looked like a scarecrow dressed up by the wrong fairy godmother.’ lol.

  5. lol…Nice build up and I like your use of words; smart and simple yet poignant. That was a good way to cut the expectation of the reader. But I think it would have been more impactful if the guys had shared their greetings and went their way. The guy going on to say ‘I’m Dan by the way’ gave the impression that they would get further acquainted.
    If you had cut expectations short by making them end the convo after confirming their bet, the shock value would have been more impactful.

    Just my take.

  6. @Afronuts…I didnt think of that! Thanks! I will definitely write that in…
    @remi…gracias! lol
    @paul..Glad you like the twist…
    @tola…I know i kinda got y’all hyped int eh direction of a love story but i thot i might try a different turn…

    1. i really really did,love your writings.

  7. the twist was definitely unexpected, nice one!

  8. Mazi Nwonwu (@Fredrick-chiagozie-Nwonwu)

    I liked the flow, though I would have loved a tighter ending, It is a very good attempt. More grease Estrella.

  9. Well I liked it. I almost burst out laughing when the other dude SASHAYED! to her corner and then this line got me: “He all but gushed snapping his fingers.Pa! Pa! Pa! Right in her face.” You’ve got tight expressions, could see them fingers snapping Pa! Pa! Pa! in her face. laugh
    Good job girl!

    Oh and the other guy she was tripping for was rude; sniffing at her and all. No way!

  10. @Abbey…thanks love!
    I know right? If some fella i thot was hot came sniffing at me,id sniff right back and see how he likes it!

    1. You know, that’s a thought! Sniff right at him. We’ll see how he likes that huh!

    2. Hey girl, for the laffs i got (really enjoyed myself), just gave you some points. Enjoy!

  11. Good stuff. Really liked the anti climax. Are they gay? ‘d be really interesting if they’d been gay. What do u thing?

    1. Haa. Now that’s another shocker element to it. If you also implied that they were actually a gay couple, that would have nailed another impact!

      1. @ guys: i think the gay aspect was clear though not outrightly mentioned. I mean, with expressions like a guy sashaying and calling a girl “Girlfriend” with fingers going Pa!Pa!Pa!. I mean you guys wouldn’t do that or would you? Fess up you two!

  12. I dont have so many points yet, I wld hav donated points to u right now mehn! lovely!

  13. @Abbey..alas! You have melted mi hard heart! Thanks for the points darling!
    @jay and afronuts…please refer to abbey…lol…she got the gay impication sharply!
    @yetitweets…its okay love…the thought was enough..thanks!

  14. Etrella, I like your story because of the unexpected ending and the imagery you are using (ugu leaves, cotton wool).I have just one critic; the snapping of the fingers is a bit cliche.I believe the sashaying would have been enough to give the idea.

  15. drooling over a gay guy? and then what’s funnier, imagining he wanted you too! lmaoo…nice

  16. I was expecting a love story but i like the twist. It’s obvious that the guys are gay and i guess they are a couple.

  17. ha ha ha ha!!! Somebody stop me! Oh no! They didn’t..oops! sorry, he didn’t do that to her!!! Sorry babes! great story estrella, remind me (not today) that I owe you some points girlfriend..snap! snap! (my fingers snapping)..lol

  18. the guys are gay right?

    1. Yup Jaz, they are!

  19. He he he… What an anticlimax! Damn, I’d also feel dissed at any lesbian who ever does this to me. But who knows, I could end up convincing them into a hot threesome. *winks*

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