When Words Fail You…

When Words Fail You…

This was written originally for a blogfest… The aim was to write a story in which a conversation of some sort was taking place, but without any dialogue. I’m thinking of turning it into the first chapter of a longer story, though… With that being said, this is just a working title… Feedback is highly welcome. :)

——-

The pain. The searing pain. As she feels it cutting across her lower back and piercing her abdomen, Ada knows what it means. Now, of all times, when Ifeanyi is out of the country… Hopelessness and unimaginable sorrow overwhelm her. The blood follows soon after.

***

Ada is staring aimlessly out of the window. Mama softly places a rosary in her palm. If humans cannot comfort her, maybe faith can. Within moments, the delicate beads are scattered across the floor of the hospital ward. Ada has flung them across the room with all the venom she can muster before returning to the foetal position that has become her only source of solace. Attributing her bereavement to the mysterious plan of a benevolent God is not going to work this time.

This is the final straw for Mama Ifeanyi. Fuming under her breath, she glares at the witch who has eaten four of her son’s unborn children. Letting out a long and loud hiss, Ada’s mother-in-law spits at her and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The few friends who stay behind are fidgeting, growing restless. The awkward silence is stifling.
Ada remains mute. She still hasn’t called Ifeanyi. She can’t.

***

The visitors have gone. One by one, with a knowing nod directed at Mama, they crept out of the ward. Now, Mama is sobbing quietly. She reaches for her daughter’s hand but Ada recoils sharply as if her mother’s touch could scald her. With reluctant resignation, Mama sighs and leaves the room to get some air.

***

The door creaks open. She doesn’t bother to turn around to face whoever it is. They will leave eventually, anyway. Suddenly, she is enveloped in the familiar warmth of her husband’s arms. Mama must have called him. Her whole world now lies in this cramped hospital bed. Ifeanyi kisses her neck and pulls her closer. Ada bursts into tears.



14 thoughts on “When Words Fail You…” by Funmi-F (@Funmi-F)

  1. Well, wedon’t actually know what’s happening yet, but keep it up if you will, i don’t really get it yet, it’s more lpoem like than a story.

  2. hmmm, looks like someone had a miscarriage, again? i hope I’m right.

  3. I would like to follow this story and see where it leads. The part where she “suddenly” is held by her husband is too abrupt. I think it would be better if we are led to that stage subtly. It has a sharp effect, not exactly a positive one.

  4. I think i get the pulse of the story. Like Remiroy said, seems the situation is another miscarriage and the lady is angry and cannot be pacified by anyone but her husband. At least i think that’s it.

    I believe a sequel has already been posted.

  5. awwww….I so felt her pain…you did a great job of conveying it..

  6. Hi Funmi, I like this piece and would definitely read a sequel. I could feel her pain, like Mercy said and I would like to know where the story will take her.However something doesn’t match.If she is in foetal position,I don’t think she would be angry but numb.

  7. Is there a sequel for this? Yeah I agree with Suninmyeye, the introduction of the husband could be drawn out a bit. Adds to the suspense. Also, since you have no dialogue, our imagination is on overdrive now…you can take advantage of that a bit. Is there a sequel?

  8. Thanks for the comments, guys. Like I said on the continuing part of this story… I’m afraid it’s dead. I have no idea where to go with this story. Thanks for the nice comments though… They are very encouraging.

  9. I think the story in itself is complete.
    Poor Ada .
    The usual story of shattered dreams brought on by recurrent miscarriage. Not helped by a disappointed mother-in-law. Cocooned in the love of an understanding loving husband…even 4th time around.
    Some minor tweaking may help the prose flow better, but a well told tale nonetheless. Well done!

  10. Welldone. Sounds like a miscarriage. The aunguish was well portrayed. Good job.

  11. This was very nice…very well-told. I think it’s complete all ready. Maybe you could have made it a poem..cos of the length and all the emotions..but its still good as is sha. Good job!

  12. The story is pregnant (no pun intended) with enough angles to suggest a longer piece, or even a book. First, Ada’s mother-in-law accuses her of being a witch. Well is she? And if she is did she eat her unborn children? And if she did, why did she? Is someone else in the room a fellow witch? Second, why does Ada’s mother not take up for her after Ifeanyi’s mother spits at Ada? Does Ada’s mother think that Ifeanyi is the problem, and that she’s armed with Western medical evidence, as opposed to Babalawo evidence? As you can see, you may still be able to squeeze a book, or atleast a very long short story of out of this.

    Ifeanyi appeared too quickly. He made it from “out of the country” to her bed side in a few minutes. Is he a ghost? Good start, however.

  13. I like how you portrayed the sorrow and anger. Very real. And please do not say you have no ideas on how to continue, you do. Hopefully, something will trigger those ideas to start flowing.

  14. Haven’t i commented on this before?
    The story tells itself. To me, its already a complete flash but if you do write more, i’ll love to read it.

Leave a Reply