Irreplaceable (…chapter 1, tart series)

Irreplaceable (…chapter 1, tart series)

It’s classified. Men are bastards.

Dunni just called me. Apparently, Queen Bitch is in town. Yes, Nasir’s girlfriend came in from London yesterday AND she’s going to be in town for a little over a week. Last night, he took her to freaking DC Coast, you know, that expensive joint downtown where they have the meanest shrimp cocktail for miles around.

The cheap bastard! The best he ever thought I deserved was T.G.I.F!! I really do not blame him at all. But damn, I swear Dunni has absolutely no tact at all. I mean, the way she was just reciting all the details with such glee, you would have thought she had been sent by Queen Bitch herself. Rhymes, doesn’t it? Kunbi? Queen Bitch? God, my wit kills me!

Don’t get me wrong, I am so over him. I AM! In fact, I went out with Yomi tonight. Okay, so we technically did not go out. We just hooked up at that club party in Silver Spring. Don’t ask me how I ended up there. Dunni was nagging and Yomi did say it would be good to see me.

So I pulled on the green dress I hadn’t got the chance to wear yet. I matched it up with the tiger heels I got during last weekend’s shopping binge. The combination turned to look fucking fabulous if I do say so myself! Especially when I got down on the dance floor!

He was so feeling that. Yomi, that is. Not Nasir. Though I wish the latter had been there just so I could see his jaw drop while he sees that I’m moving on and living life without him quite happily. Okay, not quite true but hey, I accepted Michael’s offer to see a movie on Sunday. Remember Michael? That cute Persian guy from World Finance class? Yeah, go me!

I really should not have agreed to let Yomi take me home, though. I mean, I had forgotten what an idiot he could be. Check this – so we get to my place. Natalie is sleeping already and her lights are off. So I motion to him to be quiet as we walk down the hallway to my room. I shouldn’t have let him come up either but damn it, it’d been a long minute since an adequate make-out session and Yomi makes for a decent one. Not as good as Nasir, sure, but I digress. Okay, so as I am taking off my shoes, he comes up behind me and his hands start creeping up. That’s the cue to start kissing, obviously…and so we do.

We are on the bed, and all of a sudden, I can’t explain it but I am so nauseous and disgusted at myself and what I am doing. Yomi, of all people? I should know better! He’s been with every Jill, Janet and Hadiza in the MD-DC-VA triangle and even though we go way back to high school, I should know better than to use him as a crutch. Plus, he does have a big mouth, you know. So I pushed him off and asked him to leave. The ensuing conversation still makes me cringe when I think about it.

“I think you should leave,” I told him.

He was still mumbling, you know, still trying to kiss me. I really was going to throw up then so I pushed him more viciously. Too viciously, it turned out. He almost fell off the bed.

“Hey, what the hell?! What’s the deal with this?” He snapped after he recovered.

“You seemed to have turned deaf for a minute. I said I think you should leave!” I told him again as I pulled down my dress. I caught a glimpse of myself in the closet mirror facing my bed and I felt so sick with myself.

“What the fuck?” He swore. “You asked me up! I didn’t invite myself in here. Why are you getting all prissy now like I forced myself on you or something?”

Okay, so, say hello to the Yomi I don’t like! I mean, why couldn’t he just gather his pride and get the fuck out? I said I no do! What again???

I refused to answer him, silently looking at the door. As in, ol’ boy, the exit, in case you can’t remember.

Man, you think I don’t know what this is about?” He now asked.

The fuck??? I had to look at him then. What was he on about now? He saw my question in my eyes.

“Don’t play dumb with me,” he said. “I know you better than everyone in this joint. We go way back so don’t pull that shit with me.”

I was so going to slap him. “My room-mate is sleeping. Keep it down.”

“Fuck that!” He shouted. “Am I supposed to be the idiot that you will use to fool Nasir that you are over whatever bullshit you two had going down?”

Oh really, now the story of my sad and twisted love life was now the talk of town?

“Yomi, just leave, abeg!” I was trying so hard to remain calm. I desperately needed a smoke now. A headache was coming on.

Man, just wake up and smell the fucking coffee. You and that dude are not meant to be. The sooner you realize that…”

“I said, get out!” I shouted then. What in the bleeding hell?!

He looked at me and shook his head. “I’m talking to you, Lara, as a friend.”

Yeah, I’m sure. Dude was probably going to go behind my back after this confrontation and laugh about me with the rest of the bloody crew I no longer run with.

“Everyone is talking about you.” He went on. “You think people are stupid? Flitting from one guy to the other? Who are you trying to fool? Him? Us? Yourself?”

“You don’t know anything about me. Fuck you and get out.” I said icily. I really needed a smoke.

God, you won’t believe Yomi. He just would not STOP!

“Smell the fucking coffee. And next time you pull this stunt with me, trust me, it won’t end up like this, bitch.”

Okay, so I started trembling then as I remembered why I’d avoided Yomi for so long before tonight. It was because of this bloody temper and the cruel tongue.

“Try walking and talking at the same time, please!” I told him. I am no Beyonce but that line fit right then, I tell you.

He slammed the door so hard on his way out. So much for not waking Natalie up, that gossip hound sleeps lighter than a dog.

I smoked my way through five cigarettes, so much for giving that up too. And it’s all Nasir’s fault too, I’m sure you can see. But I really don’t care anymore. I am over that, it’s all done. He doesn’t even deserve me anyway. I don’t want him. I don’t need him. He’s utterly replaceable and I’m utterly indifferent. Never mind the sudden stupid tears that seem to be saying otherwise.

You must not know about me

You must not know about me

I can have another you by tomorrow

Don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

Beyonce

Irreplaceable



19 thoughts on “Irreplaceable (…chapter 1, tart series)” by Lara B. (@larabrown)

  1. Sounds to me like Nasir is irreplaceable to our dear Lara, lol.
    I hope you enjoyed writing this as much as i enjoyed reading it. You held me spellbound till the end, which is why i’m screaming MOOOORE!

  2. One of me NYSC friends says ‘who they don love, they don love am’. Lara knows but we don’t of Nasir. Good stuff. Really happens a lotta times.

  3. Thanks, guys! I’ll upload ch.2 in a bit. :)

  4. awwww hurts so bad. Lara might not get ova Nasir for a long time coming so she should just get used to it.
    eagerly waiting for ch 2!

  5. I’m on the fence… Will make up my mind when I read part 2… Nasir sounds delicious sha. ;)

  6. Tres bien!! YOU HAV TO ADD PART TWO SOON!!! I hav a feeling lara is not over Nasir.

  7. Tsk Lara (cue the eye roll), u are soooo not over Nasir! duh

  8. wow
    just reading this,very nice story.
    i ll go look for the other part,i hope its here too.

  9. OK..i couldn’t stop laughing…dear lara…i want more on NASIR’s part….lol!…talk abt ‘luv dnt luv me’

  10. hmmmmmm still trying to get my head around some stuff…hmmmm

  11. Tart series? I guess thats the best name under which this should fall.
    Nicely and rudely told but it got me not even liking the protagonist. You feel you’re on her side yet she’s kind of wrong.

    And maybe I’m wrong since its part of a series.

  12. I lke the type of narrative you used, thinking, narrating and talking at the same time, makes it enjoyable, keep it up!

  13. Ugo Chime (@Flourishing-Florida)

    just read part 1. it’s better than its follow-up. nice. really nice. although in this sentence: ‘Okay, so I started trembling then as I remembered why I’d avoided Yomi for so long before tonight. It was because of this bloody temper and the cruel tongue’, u could ave done without including the ‘It was because of this bloody temper and the cruel tongue’, as the msg was already passed.

  14. Wow!I had fun all the way! So much fun, I was praying for it not to end!
    Haaaa.. The pain, embarrassment and humiliation!
    You portrayed it all with utmost subtlety!
    Your style of writing is unique!

  15. Finally found the genesis of the tart series, yippee!!!..

    1. @Mercy, here’s a tip – if you need to find the other stories in a series of stories, a fast way of doing so is to click on the tag for the author so that you can see other stories written by the person (including the other stories in the series).

  16. Can’t believe I’m just reading this! On to the next one.

  17. off to the chapter 2,where is it nowwww?

  18. Always hard getting over sumone u have feelings For

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